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Oh hi! Did you know that alcohol is the most widely used aphrodisiac on the planet? This magic potion works on your brain to lower your inhibitions. But alcohol doesn’t act as an aphrodisiac because it makes people horny. Rather, it makes people more comfortable with sex.
What is the relationship between alcohol and sexy times? That depends on how much you’ve had to drink.
Level one: tipsy. When you’re tipsy, you’ll feel more relaxed and confident. It’s easier to bond with people, which means you might find it easier to talk about sex, or to initiate sex. You’ll feel slightly less coordinated, and you might be a little bit for flexible than normal in your decision-making, but you’re basic instincts are still there.
Level two: drunk. When you’re drunk, your inhibitions are even lower. Your coordination is even shittier. Conducting yourself during sex becomes quite a bit more difficult. It strangles that little voice in your head. “It’s a bad idea. That’s a bad idea, dumbass.” Yeah, that one. So you can no longer make decisions properly. You also will be less aware of how you’re presenting yourself. There’s pretty much no filter between your brain and your mouth, and your behavior becomes exaggerated. So if you’re kind of an affectionate, touchy person, being drunk is going to make you even more affectionate and touchy.
Level three: wasted. I’m going to be frank here: sex, wastedness…not the best of friends. You’ll be sloppy, completely uncoordinated. You may not be able to orgasm, you may have a hard time getting an erection. You are incoherent, your speech is slurring all over the damn place. You won’t give a shit about any bad decisions that you make, and it’s even more lame because your body starts to feel kind of numb, so you don’t feel the pleasure as intensely. And you could also black out. Yay!
Notice how the relationship between sex and alcohol changes the more you drink. You drink alcohol and you drink it responsibly: a little bit of alcohol and sex, not the end of the world. Now all of this is good and well, except for a complicating factor.
Many of us are growing up amidst hookup culture where sex, partying, alcohol mix together. And what’s the outcome here? A lot of rape. This is problematic, obviously. So let’s talk about how to get consent during different phases of drinking.
If you are tipsy: Ask, as you always should, if your partner wants to be sexual with you. If you do this playfully, it won’t ruin the mood and you’ll have the added benefit of making them feel comfortable with being honest. It’s not consent if someone feels afraid to say no.
Here are some ways to ask for consent if someone’s a little bit tipsy:
- “Is it okay if I touch you like this?”
- “Are you into this as much as I am?”
- “Are you enjoying yourself?”
- “Is it okay if I take off your pants?”
- “Is it okay if I keep going?”
In their answer, look for enthusiasm. Does their body language match what they’re saying? In asking, you create a comfortable, safe environment and that is fucking sexy.
If you’re in an encounter and you’re no longer into it, you’re feeling weird or violated, stand up for yourself. It’s never too late to change your mind and when you do, tell your partner.
- “I don’t want to do this.”
- “I’m not okay with this.”
- “I feel uncomfortable right now.”
- Walk away from the situation.
Consent when you are drunk or wasted cannot happen. Unless you explicitly talked about it prior to drinking, someone who’s been drinking moderately or heavily that night cannot give consent. When someone’s incoherent and stumbling all over the place, or fucking passing out, it doesn’t matter what they’re wearing, it doesn’t matter if you kissed earlier, the fact is that when someone’s drunk or wasted, they can’t make decisions properly.
So how can we put an end to the high rates of party rape? When you’re in this situation, walk away. Walk away from the encounter. At this level of intoxication, that’s not consensual sex anymore. It’s rape.
Let’s talk about disaster prevention tips so you can have a good time. Whenever possible, talk to your date or partner about sexual boundaries before drinking. Keep condoms on you, and always insist on safer sex. I would advise not drinking too much when you’re on a date with someone new. Don’t harass others, or pressure them to have sex with you.
Using alcohol as a way to get some is super creepy. Not okay behavior. And if you’re using alcohol as a way to feel confident having sex, ask yourself if you’re really ready to have sex. As a rule of thumb, you shouldn’t need alcohol to be intimate with someone.
Alright my loves, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it for now! For more of my partying tips, check out the bonus video in the description. And come say hi to me on Facebook or my blog! I post, like, every day because I am lame.
I love you all so much! Stay safe, have fun, and I’ll see you all next week.
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Laci Green is a 23-year-old peer sex educator and YouTuber from San Francisco. She makes videos to help people learn about sexuality and bodies so that they can enjoy them! She likes to make people laugh and think, preferably at the same time. Follow her on Twitter @gogreen18.