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Field trip, field trip, we’re going on a field trip. Woods. That was a big hill. I came to the woods today, one because it’s a beautiful gorgeous day out, how gorgeous it is right now, don’t fall Laci. Also because orgasms just … It make me think of the woods. I got some confession, I’ve been sexually active for about 10 years, and first 6 or so years of that, I faked orgasm every single time.
It’s not something that I’m proud of, but it’s something that happened and it happened for a reason. I was too worried telling my partner they weren’t doing it right, I didn’t really know how to articulate what I needed from them. I was also feeling kind of rush like I took too long. I was scared that they feel bad, and I didn’t want them to feel bad and continue as fake orgasm throughout all of this years, resulted in this sort of toxic pattern.
Where now I’m communicating to my partner that this is what is pleasurable to me, and this is how I’m getting off, and that I am actually getting off when that’s not true. Fake orgasms are kind of like a little lie right? Well a big lie if you do it for six years. It wasn’t until my current partner that I was like, “Enough, enough is enough this has got to stop.” I don’t wanted to be the case where the only way I can orgasm is when I’m masturbating and not when I’m with a partner.
In the beginning of a relationship I faked it a lot, but I eventually said I have a confession, I have been faking it. We talked about it, and worked on it, and it really wasn’t that long until my first orgasm with partner was amazing. Sorry if this is TMI, although you are my [inaudible 00:01:41] which is basically collection of TMI. TMIs, TMIs. The reason why I’m telling you this, is because I do get a lot of e-mail from usually women who are faking orgasm all the time.
I guess it’s felt as right to say, “Hey, you don’t have to do that. It’s not really very healthy way to approach sex in your relationship. I think faking it once in awhile because you’re too tired or whatever. I mean that’s one thing, still best to talk about it and just say, “Hey I don’t really feel like it.” But it’s different than doing it all the time right? Because your partner they never know, that, that’s not doing it for you.
I think we should noted that it’s not just us vagina havers who faked orgasm. I know guys, folks with penises who have fake orgasms as well. It’s a little harder to fake an orgasm because of … But it does happen. There’s one other element of this whole faking orgasms phenomenal that sort of puzzles me. I feel like at least for me it’s pretty to easy to tell when they’re faking it.
I mean if you know what you’re looking for right? Maybe their partners just don’t want to call amount over it, because they feel awkward too or maybe they genuinely think it’s real, I don’t know. A real orgasm their face will flush, their chest will flush, their breathing will be genuinely heavy particularly important is to really laud moaning flashing orgasm. Very small fraction of people actually have those kind of orgasms but the vast majority when they’re about to orgasm, it’s quiet.
You just don’t have the heads face to do this, performance for your partner. Anyway check out my shirt, isn’t this awesome, thanks to the folks at Memorial University for this one. It was a teeshirt that kind of … I cut it up. It’s emphasis you, you have any faking orgasms with a partner, at least for me the easiest way was to just come … Just come completely clean. If you suspect your partners faking orgasm, one thing you can do is ask them like, “Hey if I wasn’t getting you off, you would tell me right?
Something like that today feel comfortable, and kind of open the doors to that kind of communication. Of course I think one of my first partners have done this with me, I would have been like now of course you’re getting me off. Then I would have gotten home and masturbated and cried. I think one of the keys to really experiencing pleasure and enjoying yourself and enjoying your partner is feeling like your communications are authentic.
Really no, it would be actually knowing how to have an orgasm. I’m going to put a link to a little video that I did, right here which may have also been outside actually. See I was not lying about the orgasm thing, it’s just woodsy for me. Check it out and I would be back soon with more videos. Bye babe.
Laci Green is a 23-year-old peer sex educator and YouTuber from San Francisco. She makes videos to help people learn about sexuality and bodies so that they can enjoy them! She likes to make people laugh and think, preferably at the same time. Follow her on Twitter @gogreen18.