#3 should be enough, but it’s gonna take more to break down this myth. Luckily, we’ve got this fun video to help us out!
The Editors at Everyday Feminism
Click for the Transcript
Sorry, just gotta loosen up a bit. Get it? Get it?
Hey, I’m Riley, and today I have a huge pimple on my face. I could just do a whole video like this. If I could just, like, cover my mouth the whole time. Just try not to look at it, okay? It not my fault. It’s a natural face thing—I just—
Anyways, we’re not talking about pimples today. We’re talking about vaginas – because there’s this shitty myth out that there that you get, like, loose after you have sex, and it’s just a lie. It’s a blatant lie. It’s like when commercials try to convince you that diet soda tastes like real soda, then you actually get some, and you’re like, “The f—?”
Anyways, this video’s a part of a series for Everyday Feminism, a website dedicated to helping you stand up to and break down oppression. For example, pretend this frisbee is the oppression. Broken down. But they’re a fantastic website. I love, like, everything they post, and you should totally go visit them. I’ll put a link down below, so you can go to the website.
Yeah. Vaginas. Here’s the myth: Vaginas get permanently looser after having sex.
Reason number one you should not believe this myth: It comes from our, like, antiquated ideas of female sexuality that say, like, after you’ve had sex, you’re just worthless. It’s where we get terms like “slut” and “whore” and “ho,” that like put women down for having sex. Looseness is just another way of putting women down. It’s trying to say that, like, they’re somehow broken after having sex. We know that that’s not true – like, you can have sex, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s not, like, tied to your morals. I mean, you can be a bad person and have a lot of sex, but like, they’re not related.
You can also be like the best person in the world, and like have all the sex in the world. They’re not connected.
Number two: It’s tied to also, really old ideas about virginity and losing your virginity, and how that somehow marks your transition from like, innocent and pure to like, dirty. Virginity used to be like a commodity, like, women were valued when they had virginity and once they’d lost it, they were like, worthless. That’s because they were thought of as objects. But, like today, I think you and I can agree, women aren’t objects, they’re people. Like saying that their virginity holds some worth about them as a person is just not okay.
This idea of looseness comes from that, like you’ve somehow broken innocent pureness, and now it’s like, “Had sex. Vagina of Evil Death,” but none of that is true.
The line of virginity doesn’t matter, and it’s also very like, heteronormative. Like, what if lesbians are having sex all the time? Did they lose their virginity? The answer is you’re asking the wrong question, because people have all kinds of sex and it doesn’t always look like penis and vagina sex. You don’t lose your virginity, you just start having sex. That’s it.
Number three: It’s like quite literally, just wrong, like it’s just factually incorrect. Yes, there have been scientific studies done on the looseness of vaginas. I know like half of you out there right now are like, “How do I become a vagina looseness tester?” But anyway, so there were studies done on like, if women became looser after having a lot of sex and guess what they found. You don’t! The vagina just snaps back into place, like normal, like how muscles work. Like, you stretch it, and it goes back into place. That’s just how your body works.
If you’re still not getting it, here’s an example, that like, should convince you. You’ve got an asshole, right? So, your asshole’s like this, and when you shit, even if it’s a giant shit, it expands, and then it closes again. No matter how many giant shits that you take, it’s going to keep closing again, to that closed position. It’s not like eventually, you just get to a point where you’ve let out so many huge shits, that you’re butthole just isn’t going to like, go back to normal. Your butthole is fine, and it’s going to stay shut, because that’s how the muscle works, and it’s the same thing with vaginas. They stretch out, and then they go back to the size.
Like, that’s literally what they’re designed to do. So don’t worry about it. Your asshole and your vagina are fine. They’re going to go back the right size, just don’t worry about it.
Number four: All vaginas are different. Like, way, way, way different in a lot of aspects, but particularly in the like, tight versus loose thing. Not one of those is like the correct vagina tightness. That’s just how vaginas are. Deal with it. Some people are tall and some people are short, and some people have big penises and some people have small penises. That’s life.
Number five: So here’s the thing, vaginas are supposed to get like looser, when you’re aroused, and when you’re turned on, because they’re like, allowing for the entry. So, if your partner is really, really tight, maybe they’re not like quite aroused enough, or like they’re not really into it, and you should work on that. Like, you should have a little bit more foreplay, and ask what they like and communicate. Again, it’s not a bad thing if you have a tight vagina, it’s just that most vaginas tend to get looser as you get aroused – so that you can like, put stuff in there.
The most important thing here is communication. As long as you’re talking with your partner, making sure that you’re comfortable and aroused and all of that stuff, everything should be okay.
Reason number six: So, here’s the thing, trans women, who have had surgery, also have vaginas – but those vaginas operate a little bit differently. For one, they require dilation, which means that you have to like, put a device in you to keep it stretched out or else it will close back up again. For trans women, having sex is like an imperfect, semi-substitute for dilation. It’s not a complete substitute, but it can definitely help with the dilation process.
In the case of trans women, you actually want to be having more sex, or masturbating with things that can keep your vagina a little bit looser.
When you talk about vaginas, and you’re all worried about them getting loose and stuff, think about the trans women who are worried about their vaginas just getting tighter. Yes, trans vaginas are vaginas. They count. I promise you.
Finally, I just want to leave you with a little bit of advice. Maybe you watched this and you’re like, “Okay Riley, I believe you, but like, what the hell am I going to do about it?” I’ll tell you what you can do about it. Like the next time someone makes a comment about it, like, “My girlfriend’s just like too loose, like it doesn’t feel good, blah, blah, blah…” Just explain to them that like, vaginas don’t actually get looser from having a lot of sex, and that’s just how she is, and he’s just going to have to deal with it. Even things that you mean as a compliment, like saying that someone has a really tight vagina, perpetuate this same myth.
Work to avoid it in your own language. Just don’t say that women are like, used up or looser. Don’t make that fucking hot dog in the hallway joke. Maybe you think she’s loose, it’s just because you got a tiny dick. I don’t know. I don’t know.
As fun as it’s been, yelling at my camera about vaginas for a while, that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thanks so much for watching this video. If you like, you can give this video a thumbs up, and you can also subscribe to see more of me, every Sunday. Like, every Sunday. Even the ones that come before Monday, and after Saturday. Don’t forget to check out Everyday Feminism. They’re such an awesome website.
If you’ve got any questions about feminism, or sex, or anything like that, leave them in the comments and maybe I can make a video about it next time. All right, thank you so much. I love you. Bye.
To learn more about this topic, check out:
Riley J. Dennis is a Contributing Vlogger for Everyday Feminism. She’s a polyamorous, atheist, gender non-binary trans woman with a passion for fiction writing, feminism, and technology. She got her BA from Whittier College in 2015 doing a self-designed major called Writing Worlds, a mixture of creative writing and anthropology, focused on realistic fictional world building. Find her on her YouTube channel, Twitter @RileyJayDennis, or her website RileyJayDennis.com.