Is it okay for men to act feminine or like feminine things?
Yes, yes, yes, absolutely yes.
Okay, video’s over. Bye!
Just kidding. Obviously there’s more to it than that – because, unfortunately, we live in a world that tells boys and men that being feminine is an awful, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing.
You throw like a girl. You run like a girl. Stop being such a pussy – just do it. Don’t be such a little bitch about it. Suck it up – big boys don’t cry. Real men don’t wear makeup.
These are all things I’ve heard, and you’ve probably heard them, too. Any boy growing up in our culture knows that there are certain expectations for them. Be aggressive. Be strong. Like sports. Like beer. Don’t show weakness. Don’t show emotion. Don’t wear makeup. Don’t wear dresses.
Obviously, these gender roles are harmful – and they’re also completely arbitrary. Men don’t have to be aggressive and strong, and they should be allowed to show weakness and emotion. Men don’t have to like sports and beer, and they should be allowed to wear makeup and dresses.
So if you’re a boy or a man, and you’ve ever felt like you weren’t “manly” enough, this video is for you. Here are some questions you might have if you like traditionally feminine things.
1. Am I a Trans Woman?
Obviously, this is going to be a question only you can answer for yourself, but I can offer some guidance. Liking feminine things or acting in feminine ways doesn’t necessarily mean that you are transgender, but maybe you are.
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with you if you are transgender, and the world is slowly, but surely coming to realize this.
Secondly, whether you’re a trans woman or not depends entirely upon how you feel. So if you feel most comfortable being referred to with female pronouns and being called a woman, you might be transgender. You might experience a desire to have a vagina or breasts. You might feel like you want people to look at you and perceive you as a woman.
Ultimately, there’s no definitive checklist that you can fill out that will confirm you as transgender or not. You’re just going to have to decide if that’s the identity that you’re most comfortable with.
2. What If I Don’t Feel Like a Man, But Also Don’t Feel Like a Trans Woman?
In that case, you might be something else completely.
It’s entirely possible to identify as neither a man nor a woman. You might be gender non-conforming, gender non-binary, genderfluid, agender, bigender, genderqueer, or something else entirely!
I’ve actually done a video on the gender spectrum and various gender identities; you can click here, and I’ll also put a link down in the description for a more in-depth look at the gender spectrum and various possible gender identities.
But again, this is going to come down to how you personally feel about your own gender.
3. Am I Gay?
Liking traditionally feminine things definitely does not make you gay – though maybe, by coincidence, you are gay. I don’t know your personal situation.
But I bring this up because gay men in the media are always shown as being super feminine. So when men act a bit feminine, they might get called gay as a result.
However, your femininity doesn’t determine who you like. You can be feminine and like women. You can be feminine and like men. You can be feminine and like everybody or nobody. Not all gay people are super feminine, and not all straight people are super masculine!
So the answer to your question is simply to ask yourself what kind of people you’re attracted to. Don’t worry about your femininity when considering if you’re gay or not.
4. Am I Metrosexual?
This word always kind of confused me a bit, because it’s not really a sexuality. When I heard it growing up, it always meant a straight person who acts stereotypically “gay,” and by that, I mean they dressed nicely and acted a bit more feminine – maybe they liked cooking, or housework, or raising children, or something like that.
But that’s not sexuality. That’s just being a straight man who dresses nice and is a bit more feminine that the stereotypical “straight” person. To me, it always seemed like a personal “no homo.” Like someone who “acted gay,” but was straight had to call themselves “metro” to make it absolutely clear to everyone that they were not gay.
It also reinforces the negative stereotype that straight men can’t be feminine or care about their appearance, because anyone who deviates from the strict gender roles of a straight man is labeled “metrosexual.”
So really, I think it’s a term we don’t need. You can be straight and feminine without having to shout “I’m not gay!” to the world.
5. Can I Just Be a Man and Like Feminine Things?
Absolutely! Over the years, masculine things have slowly become more and more acceptable for women, but the reverse hasn’t really taken place. While it used to be socially unacceptable for women to wear pants because it was too masculine, women now wear pants regularly – but it’s still not socially acceptable for men to wear dresses.
This is an extension of our culture’s patriarchy and sexism that places femininity at a lower social level than masculinity. Women, by doing masculine things, are “upgrading” their place in society, but men who do feminine things are “downgrading” themselves.
I have hope that eventually we can change this mentality and make it okay for people of any gender to behave in masculine or feminine ways. In the mean time, it can be hard to be a feminine man, but it’s absolutely a valid identity.
Well, I hope some of that was helpful for you! This video is actually a part of a series I’m doing for Everyday Feminism, a website dedicated to helping you stand up to and break down everyday oppression. I’ll put some links in the description so you can check out their website as well as my previous videos in the series.
And that’s all I have for you today! I hope you have a wonderful day, I love you all, and I’ll see you next week. Bye!
