You play video games? And you’re a girl?

Hey humans, so I’ve got a problem. I’m a huge nerd, but I’m also a huge feminist.

Now, I know that doesn’t sound like a problem. After all, they’re completely unrelated things. One is about enjoying things like video games and certain movies and TV shows and stuff, and the other is about creating equality for all people and spreading acceptance.

But unfortunately, there’s been this string of anti-feminist thought in nerd culture that I’ve tried avoiding for a long time, but I think it’s about time to confront head-on.

So, look, if you’re a nerd, I’m not calling you a misogynist or an asshole or anything like that, okay? I’m not here to yell at you and tear you down. But if you’re already discrediting my opinion because I said I’m a feminist, then we need to have this talk.

Because I love nerd culture. I love that there are passionate people who can unite together over a shared loved for certain things. I love smashing—I mean, I love playing Super Smash Brothers. for hours with my friends, I used to play Halo and Call of Duty, I still geek out over Harry Potter every day, and I’ve probably marathoned anime a few too many times.

And nerd culture is a huge and complex thing that could never be boiled down to one person or one train of thought – but it does tend to be mostly straight, cisgender men. Even if it’s by accident, nerd culture does tend to exclude women and LGBTQIA+ people in a bunch of different ways.

This sucks – because nerd culture is supposed to be the culture of the neglected. It’s the culture of the people who were never popular in high school or never had a lot of friends or were bullied for one reason or another. As a culture basically founded on being outcasts, I think it’s absolutely necessary that we be as open and accepting as possible. Otherwise, nerd culture becomes just as mean and elitist as the people who bullied us in high school.

If you consider yourself a nerd, all I’m asking for here is that you listen to my argument with an open mind and think about this as if you were a woman or a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Okay?

So here it is: five ways you can help nerd culture become a bit more inclusive!

1. Don’t Act Like It’s a Miracle When a Woman (Or Girl) Likes Video Games or Nerdy Things

I know my skit in the beginning of the video was a little exaggerated, but only a little bit.

I’ve honestly seen people act that surprised when they find out a woman likes video games, or Star Wars, or whatever. But that’s just really insulting to women, even when intended as a compliment.

Because nerd women have been around for as long as nerd men have been around. They’ve just been shoved to the sideline and not included in anything as the result of some very systematic misogyny.

The gaming industry and other parts of nerd culture have, by and large, been run by and for men. And when you act surprised that a woman is into something nerdy, you’re insinuating, whether intentional or not, that it’s unusual or weird.

The only thing weird about this whole situation is that nerd men have been pretending that nerd women don’t exist for so long.

2. Don’t Force People to ‘Prove’ That They Like Something

So you meet a woman, and she says she likes Star Wars. You play it cool, and you don’t act surprised, but secretly, you don’t believe her. So you ask her:

“Who’s Chewbacca’s grandfather? Which hand does Luke Skywalker have cut off? What color is Yoda’s light saber?”

But all of these questions are really just part of a test to find out if she’s “really” a nerd or not.

Guys aren’t subjected to tests like this to find out if they’re a true nerd or not. If you’re a guy and you say you like Star Wars, people just believe you. It shouldn’t be any different for women.

If someone says they like something, let them like it. They don’t have to be an expert with every detail memorized.

3. Advocate for More Diverse Characters in Video Games, Movies, TV Shows, and Books

As much as I love all different kinds of media, there’s a problem with most of it: It’s a lot of straight, white, cisgender dudes.

Video games largely feature playable male characters with oversexualized female characters; movies like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings manage to have almost no female characters at all; and most of the characters in all of our media tend to be white.

You could argue that this is changing. Women have been playing more prominent roles in upcoming books and movies like The Hunger Games and Divergent, and FIFA 16 will be the first edition of the game with playable female characters. But there’s still a lot more to be done for women, for people of color, and for LGBTQIA+ people.

Representation is important. People need to be able to see themselves represented in our media. It inspires people and it sets the status quo for what’s “normal.”

I think we’re on the right track, but we need to keep pushing for more diverse characters.

4. Be Wary of the Language You Use

Have you ever been on Xbox Live? It’s like the comments section of the gaming community – just swear words everywhere and insults and horrible, horrible things. I had to quit that back in highschool.

Certain words and slurs genuinely hurt people and make them not want to be a part of the community. For instance, if you use “rape” as a verb for destroying something, you can cause PTSD flashbacks for rape survivors.

If we want nerd culture to be one of acceptance, we have to be willing to change the words that we use so that everyone feels welcome.

I think a lot of people have the mentality that you can “choose” what words offend you, and that those who are hurt by words are just “being sensitive,” but that’s a really damaging way of looking at it. Words have a lot of power behind them because they carry historical and cultural significance, but also because people often times associate them with traumatic events in their lives. Brushing off this whole argument by saying people are “too sensitive” makes the nerd community a place where only people who haven’t been traumatized by particular slurs are allowed to be.

5. Don’t Threaten People Who Criticize You or Nerd Culture

I feel like this last one should go without saying, but apparently it has to be said. Don’t send hate, rape, or murder threats to people who criticize you. Even if you disagree with someone, that doesn’t mean they deserve any of that. We can disagree peacefully. Even if your threat is completely hollow, they don’t know that. And even if it’s hollow and they know it, hearing those kinds of things day in and day out can really take a toll on a person’s mental health.

I know this isn’t going to convince everyone.

In fact, in the comments section of this video, I’m sure people will have some very creative homophobic and transphobic slurs for me. But I’m hoping that I can at least convince a few of you.

Throwing threats and insults around doesn’t do anything to help your cause. In fact, it helps to prove why women and LGBTQIA+ people don’t feel safe in nerd culture.

Alright, well that’s everything I have for you. This video is a part of a series I’m doing for Everyday Feminism, a website dedicated to helping you stand up to and break down everyday oppression. I’ll put some links in the description below so you can check out my previous videos in the series.

Let me know down in the comments section if you can think of any other ways we can make nerd culture more accepting and inclusive.

Thanks so much for watching, I love you all, and I’ll see you next week. Bye!