(A woman holding a cup of coffee and walking past window displays that show nativity scenes and Santa Claus)
Text: You know the deal with the tooth fairy, right? Collects lost teeth, replaces them with coins? Flies around at night putting money under pillows? There are variations but that’s the gist of it.
(An office full of people wearing pink and gold clothing, with pink and gold decorations)
Text: What if I told you there was something called Fairyism, and that for two months it took over the world? Your coworkers wear fairy sweaters and listen to fairy songs.
(A group of people at a party; only one person is not wearing pink or gold and some people are wearing antennae headbands and fairy wings)
Text: You get Fairy Day off even though you’re not a Fairyist, and you go to the office Fairy Day party even though you don’t believe because it’s a networking thing.
(Three houses in a row, one is decorated with fairies and glitter, the middle house is undecorated, the next house is decorated with fairies and teeth)
Text: Your neighbors decorate their houses and buy fake fairydust machines.
(A television showing a fairy speaking to a young child)
Text: Every TV station plays that movie about the REAL meaning of Fairy Day a thousand times.
(A coffee cup that is pink and gold but otherwise plain next to a coffee cup that is pink and gold and decorated with stars)
Text: The news will not shut up about a coffee chain removing Fairy imagery from their seasonal cups.
(A young teen holding up a worksheet decorated with stars)
Text: A non-Fairyist eighth grader at a public school makes the local news when they complain about a spelling sheet with words like “Enamel,” “Pillow,” and “Wings” on it – the news never comments that the words are below grade level.
(Two adults not wearing pink or gold standing behind a happy child wearing a pink shirt and fairy wings)
Text: The daughter of non-Fairyist parents is given the line “I do believe in Fairies, I do, I do!” for her public school play. The school insists it isn’t teaching Fairyism because the play has a bit part for The Great Pumpkin.
(A cartoon drawn in the style of How The Grinch Stole Christmas that shows a dentist is on a poster, in front of the poster a person not wearing pink or gold is rolling their eyes)
Text: There’s an old cartoon about a dentist who steals teeth because he doesn’t understand the magic and generosity of Fairy Day. You get used to being called a dentist for not participating in the magic of the season.
(An unsmiling person in a line of cartoonish villains holding pliers, a fairy in a cage, and a bag of coins)
Text: In fact the villain of every Fairy Day movie seems a bit like you – they just don’t care about Fairies so they’re bad, greedy people.
(A person playing a piano, the person is wearing a pumpkin pendant)
Text: Your musician friend is a Great Pumpkiner but for months his only gigs are Fairy Day concerts because those are the shows available.
(A person making a hand turkey)
Text: Your Turkeyist friend feels (and often is) tokenized by her holiday’s proximity to Fairy Day. Her non-Turkeyist brother is constantly told “Happy Turkey Day” and always suspects it’s because of his skin color.
(A person in a fairy costume holding cymbals and standing next to a large fake tooth full of coins)
Text: A fairyist charity with acknowledged homophobic practices installs a fairy at every shopping center to bang cymbals and collect donations. When a store protests the charity sues for the right to collect and the store owners get a deluge of snide “Dentist” comments.
(A person wearing pink and gold, fairy antennae, and fairy wings speaking to someone who is not wearing any fairy regalia)
Text: Your boss is a devout Fairyist and invites you to Fairy Day services. “I know you’re a non-believer but I hope you’ll come,” he says, “I just keep hoping some day you’ll see the pixie dust.” You laugh uneasily.
(A group of people in fairy costumes and holding magic wands standing in front of a building that says “City Hall” across the front)
Text: Your city removed its Fairy display and a bunch of Fairyists camped out at City Hall to protest the war on Fairies.
(A person at a movie theater buying popcorn from an employee at a concession stand wearing fairy antennae)
Text: The movies are the only thing open on Fairy Day so you go see a movie. The employees all wear Fairy headbands and there’s a sale on bubble-gum flavored popcorn, a taste you’re glad you won’t have to think about until next year.
(A person not wearing pink or gold walking next to a family wearing pink and gold with a small child wearing antennae)
Text: As you leave the theater you hear a kid say “I wish every day was Fairy Day” and you think “Isn’t it?”
(The same person from the first panel is still walking with her coffee, there is a Santa on the corner behind her, a group of carolers dressed as elves, and people carrying bags with reindeer on them; most people are wearing red and green)
Text: Anyway, I don’t begrudge anyone their religion. Celebrating your faith is fine so long as public schools and civic entities are left out of it. But if you think there’s a war on Christmas, or that people are being prevented from practicing Christianity in the US, you’re looking at a very different world than I am.