The Perfect Take On How to Get a Bikini Body — For Feminists!

Participant 1: Hey, ladies!

Participant 2: The sun is shining!

Participant 1: The piña coladas are flowing!

Participant 3: And everybody’s headed to the beach!

Participant 2: You know what that means!

Participant 1: It’s time for some fun in the sun?

Participant 2: No.

Participant 3: It’s time to work on your bikini body!

(Caption: How To Get A Bikini Body For Feminists)

Participant 2: Before you slip into your swimsuit, you could start a grueling workout routine and manipulate your natural shape and skin tone to reach for an unattainable and oppressive idea of perfection!

Participant 1: Or, you could follow a few quick and easy tips for self-accepting journey to the beach.

Offscreen voice: Want to turn your flab into abs in just two weeks?

Participant 1: Well, that’s too bad, because that’s not how exercise works.

Participant 3: And even if it did, no one gets to tell you what your body should look like.

Participant 2: Here’s an easy guilt-free recipe for your summer barbeque.

Participant 3: Go to a barbeque, and don’t feel guilty about it!

Participant 1: Contrary to popular belief, your body needs food to provide energy for basic functions. That’s science!

Participant 3: Worried that your almost-naked body is inappropriate for most public places?

Participant 2: Toss that tarp with the confidence that nothing is big enough to cover up the inequality that women have been subjected to for hundreds of years.

Participant 1: Now it’s time for the ultimate bikini body challenge.

Participant 3: Read some literature that challenges the culture of ideas of what constitutes a bikini body.

Participant 1: Don’t forget: your brain is a beautiful part of your body, too.

Participant 3: So while you’re relaxing on the beach, casually reflecting the male gaze, just remember that every body is a bikini body.

Participant 2: And aspirational tropes of beauty are 100% B.S.

Everybody: Have a great summer! Woo!