This Funny Advice Will Show You When It’s Okay to Speak Up

December 2, 2016 / Anna Akana

Ever been in a situation like this one – where you want to speak up for your needs, but don’t want to be rude?

Even in cases when someone else is making us uncomfortable – like trying to hit on us when we just want to be alone – many of us have learned to go out of our way to make others comfortable by not speaking up.

Sometimes we have good reason for not speaking up, such as trying to keep ourselves safe. But in other situations, you just don’t know what to say to get someone to leave you alone.

Check out Anna Akana’s advice on when it’s okay to speak up. Her story is so relatable – and that slow-mo is cracking us up!

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Anna: So the other day, I was eating lunch by myself when this happened.

Stranger: Hey, you eating by yourself?

Anna: Yeah.

Stranger: No one else is sitting here?

Anna: No.

Stranger: Hey, you know, I was fired today from WB. It’s really tough on me.

Anna: I’m sorry.

Stranger: But, actually, I think I’m still #blessed, because I can finally have enough time to open up that brewery.

Anna: And as he was talking to me, I kind of wanted to politely ask him to go away. Because he was interrupting this quiet time that I had set aside for myself. But I knew that he had approached me to ask me out, and I didn’t want to discourage that. It takes a lot of balls to ask somebody out.

So I was like, “Okay, you know what? I’ll just hang in there until he gets to that point. Then I’ll politely tell him I’m in a relationship, but I’m flattered.”

Stranger: So who’s the lucky guy?

Anna: Brad.

Stranger: You know how I know you’re not lying to me? Because you knew his name like that! (raucous laughter)

Anna: What? Do I even need to explain how weird this is? And of course, once the shock went away, I thought of all the ways I could have responded.

“So tell me, do you normally ask women out?”

Stranger: Yeah.

Anna: And you said, “You know how I know you’re not lying?” Does this mean you’ve asked women this exact phrase before, and you’ve noticed discrepancies in their answers or—

Stranger: Duh.

Anna: Would you self-identify as “douche-bagel?”

Stranger: Uh, yeah. I’m aware I’m a douche.

Anna: I could have had an Oscar-winning moment.

Stranger: (entitled laughter all up in Anna’s personal space)

Anna: (in slow-mo) No! You want to know how to ask somebody out? You go up to them and you say, “Oh, I’m so sorry to interrupt what appears to be your alone time. But I saw you, think you’re very attractive, and I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?”

You don’t say, “Who’s your guy?” You don’t say, “You know how I know you’re not lying?”

Those are rude and inconsiderate things to say!

(regular voice) Or, I could have listened to my instinct and just spoke up.

Stranger: I feel—

Anna: I’m sorry to interrupt. I’m really sorry; I don’t want to be rude. But this is some time that I’ve set aside to be alone and think. And I would just like to eat my lunch in silence, please.

Stranger: Okay. Fine.

Anna: Thank you!

…I don’t know. If you think about all the times we bend over backwards to try to make someone feel more comfortable even though they’re the ones making us feel uncomfortable – I don’t know – do you recognize that in your life?

Do you expend a lot of energy trying to make life easier for everyone else? Even if it infringes upon yourself?

I’m sure some of us have to do this, right?

Thanks for watching today’s episode. And somebody requested a very deadpan Russian man, so here it goes: (in Russian accent) I’d like to thank Audible for sponsoring today’s episode. Audible has over 150,000 books you choose from. Right now, I’m listening to Stephen King’s Insomnia because I cannot sleep.

You get free audiobooks. Your choice, at audible.com/anna. That’s audible.com/anna. You go there now.

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Anna Akana is an actress, comedian and filmmaker most known for her online weekly show with 1.4 million subscribers. As an actress, you can see her in the films Ant-Man and Hello, My Name Is Doris, or on Comedy Central’s Corporate.