I hate to break it to you, but it’s possible your relationship is actually making you tired. Maybe you’ve been together a while or have fallen into a routine, but most likely it’s because you, your partner, or both of you have stopped feeling excited in your relationship. Want your relationship to keep you energized? Try out my four go-to techniques.
We are often taught that some kind of power dynamic in relationships is the norm. It can show up in the rolling of the eyes, put downs, resentful silence, and other signs of a lack of respectful, empathic communication. But a balanced relationship in which all parties feel good, safe, valued, and loved is possible. Here are a few things to consider.
A while ago, I wrote a piece about five phrases you could cut from your daily vocabulary to start feeling better. While learning what to cut is important, it sometimes implies that we’re doing something wrong. So I want also to show phrases that we can add to our lives that can help us get to the good. Here are five phrases to feel capable, deserving, and enough.
When I was younger, I rarely spoke up when I didn’t know something. Then after years of pretending, I found myself in a situation where I could no longer pretend. All I knew was that I was no longer ashamed of what I didn’t know because everything was uncertain. So I stopped faking it. I found that there was only one piece I could know – and that was myself.
I was twenty-nine when a boyfriend told me it was strange that I didn’t share my food when we went out. At the time, I thought, “Why would I want to share my food? I ordered it so I could enjoy it.” My philosophy? What was mine was mine, and yours was yours. Thinking about it, though, I realized that I kept more than just my peas and carrots to myself.
To others, it was strange that as a young kid, I would often sit for hours with only the thoughts in my head. Over time, I saw how easy it was to become consumed by my thoughts and feelings, letting them take over. A lot of the back and forth wasn’t so nice, and I could get mad at myself for almost anything. So what I want to address is how NOT to get stuck in uneasy emotions.
When I looked at other women’s accomplishments, I felt worse about myself. Criticizing was my defense mechanism. I think that this is a phenomenon that many of us can relate to. It’s what we’ve been taught to do. But think for a minute about what our lives would look and feel like if instead, we were supportive – if we celebrated instead of lamented.
It happens like that – one minute I can be self-assured, and then the next, someone says something that makes me question my capabilities, or else something happens where I feel like I should’ve done better than I had. And because it’s so easy for us to go from high to low, what’s most important is to figure out ways to boost ourselves back up. Here are some techniques.