We live with a deep and persistent societal tolerance for the use of women’s bodies by others for their own purposes, profit, political gain and entertainment. Cameras and harassment are the tip of an iceberg of male regulation of women’s bodies and behaviors. Legislation, based on a cultural acceptance of women’s bodies as public resources, is much more pernicious.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the assumptions people make about living in a fat body. I want to break some of those erroneous assumptions about living in a fat body down. I want to talk about how it feels to live in a fat body.

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Becoming a mother is not easy and society doesn’t make it any easier. There’s constant pressure on mothers to be sure they are doing everything “perfect” to raise their children or else they’re be screwed up. And that fear can seriously mess up your ability to figure out what your child and you, as a mother, need.

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The other day a man wrote to me to tell me that I shouldn’t worry—I’m not that ugly, men don’t care. Thanks (not really), but that’s not the point. My disappointment with my appearance, and the squirming, insistent anxiety that I didn’t look right, I didn’t look good enough—those things felt bigger than men.

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