Terms like “ladylike” are in line with equally absurd terms like “acting Black” that lump behavior onto a particular group of people in an effort to reinforce dominant society’s assertion of what is considered desirable and acceptable social protocol. So here are my four top reasons for steering clear of labels and social graces when it comes to my daughters.

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As Black women in America, we’ve been taught that aspects of our physical self are unacceptable in their natural forms. As such, they should be relegated to the privacy of our bathrooms — or better yet, transformed into tamed, relaxed, and otherwise invisible alternatives. And our transition to invisibility for the sake of appropriateness spans a lifetime.

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No matter where we are in the world, people who risk expression will always be perceived as threats to people who look to preserve a sense of normalcy based on what makes them comfortable. All I know is that I will continue to express myself, and I will continue to prioritize the nurturing of children willing to confidently express themselves, too.

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