Online dating has never been more popular, perhaps because it enables you to choose who you want to chat to. So throw the traditional dating rulebook out of the window and make the first move on the candidates on your hot list. If you fancy a date with someone, ask them! Read on for some tips for making the best out of your online dating adventures.

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(Trigger warning: rape.) Like most college freshmen, I drank too much. And one night, I drank too much and was pitched out of a frat house in the dead of winter. I woke up in my lofted bed. My clothing was on the floor, and I felt an invisible miasma of shame engulfing me. And my coping mechanism was to make my rapist my partner, giving purpose and intent to something horrible.

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Some time in between high school and college, I realized something about myself: I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. I thought there must be something wrong with me. It didn’t even occur to me that there was a sexual orientation that defined me, or that there were other people out there like me who didn’t see relationships with people through a sexual lens.

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When I first told people that my husband was having an affair, I got a few different reactions. Some blamed me for his infidelity; others thought I was weak to consider staying. But I don’t think these are the only options. Here’s what I want you to know if you are ever involved in or asked to support a friend in a painful infidelity aftermath.

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Society doesn’t want to blame men for making the choice to rape women. It wants to blame women for enabling men to make that choice and usually it succeeds. Rapists very rarely get to accept responsibility for their choice to rape. Even rape victims blame themselves for their rapist’s choice to rape them. So I spent between two or three decades feeling unable to tell anyone in case they wouldn’t believe me. (Trigger warning.)

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