Parties can be profoundly dangerous places, especially for women. But men attempting to be a good ally to women can quickly devolve into some paternalistic “white knighting” that can easily recreate the very systems of power and oppression that we’re looking to undermine. So how can men prevent sexual violence and act as allies to women at parties?

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There are lots of ways to be a great “ally” – and innumerable ways to be a terrible one. But it’s not rocket science. There are simple things you can keep in mind and do in order to be a better person “currently operating in solidarity with” the marginalized or oppressed. And while this list is not comprehensive, it’s definitely somewhere to start. So “allies,” let’s talk.

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Far too often, young people tear each other down and target one another for sustained violence, harassment, or neglect in order to feel more powerful, particularly when the person exhibiting bullying behavior is feeling powerless. But if we want to end the problem, we have to do the tough work of changing culture and climate. It’s time we change how we talk about bullying.

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With rare exceptions, no one who is throwing a party spends the time, energy, and money so that people will get assaulted. Yet there is a clear connection between college party culture and sexual violence. To mitigate the risk, most colleges simply take a punitive approach (with varying levels of alcohol education thrown in) to alcohol on campus. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

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