Often, straight men become frustrated when they meet a woman who doesn’t trust them immediately. They’re frustrated that women impose a “guilty until proven innocent” mentality on all men. But there are reasons why women feel this way. If we can work to understand those reasons, we can learn how to work with her in a supportive role, if that’s what she wants.

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So you’ve been reading about polyamory and have decided it’s something you want to try. Or maybe you’re still thinking about it, but don’t have a clear sense of where you’d even begin. It can take some time to figure out how polyamory works best in your life. Here are a few tips, guidelines, and things to consider for people just starting out in the poly world.

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People in queer relationships are often subjected to a barrage of ignorance from the straight community. The most annoying is: “Who’s the man and who’s the woman?” Ah yes, because as queer-identified people, the first thing we want you to do is shoehorn normative gender roles into our relationship! But believe it or not, it’s none of your business.

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These days, little arguments usually simmer down, but that wasn’t always the case. The difference is how I behave when I’m in a quarrel. Here are a few things I’ve learned that allow me to prevent arguments from escalating, to keep myself from saying things that I later regret, and to maintain a good relationship with the person I’m frustrated with or hurt by.

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I was twenty-nine when a boyfriend told me it was strange that I didn’t share my food when we went out. At the time, I thought, “Why would I want to share my food? I ordered it so I could enjoy it.” My philosophy? What was mine was mine, and yours was yours. Thinking about it, though, I realized that I kept more than just my peas and carrots to myself.

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