I was raised to believe that I should only be with one person. Anything else wasn’t moral. But when you don’t know that it’s your birthright to love and express your emotions in whatever way your heart desires, how is one supposed to discover that there are infinite choices? I stumbled across the world of polyamory five years ago, and it has forever altered the way I see my connection with others.

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I’m a virgin. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this, assuming that it’s your choice. Where it starts to be a problem is when you recognize that you possess and want to express these desires, and society denies them. Worse, society deems you undesirable and ascribes a complete and total sexual absence to you and your entire community at large, with few exceptions.

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As you lie alone in bed, exhausted from watching Love Actually on loop, you ask yourself: “When will I become normal again?” It’s not nice when people belittle the pain of a broken heart. We are conditioned to react to break-ups as one would to a hurricane. Sure, you’ll get over it eventually, but that can take years. So how can you handle the following lonely months? Here are some ideas.

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Some time in between high school and college, I realized something about myself: I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone. I thought there must be something wrong with me. It didn’t even occur to me that there was a sexual orientation that defined me, or that there were other people out there like me who didn’t see relationships with people through a sexual lens.

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There are three parties in a relationship: you, your partner, and the relationship itself. You have to take care of yourself first and make sure you are truly happy in order to flourish with a partner. Relationships ought to bring benefit to you. Here are some ways to make sure you take responsibility for maintaining yourself and your relationship.

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