The Relationship Course: Turning Love into a Daily Practice

The Course Action Plan

For Turning Love into a Daily Practice

To develop this shared understanding, you will:

• Get a new framework where love is no longer an object you own but an action you take
• Do a relationship assessment wheel to see what areas are strong and need attention
• Identify what values are most important to you and your partner and where they do and don’t overlap
• Give acknowledgements about what you appreciate and value about each other and in the relationship
• Engage in an co-visioning process around the type of relationship and life you wish to create together

Module 2 – Listening So Others Feel Fully Seen and Heard
A healthy relationship is built through healthy communication. Unfortunately the “win or lose” argumentative way we’re taught to communicate around difficult issues leaves people feeling unheard and issues unresolved – leading to greater resentment and baggage.

To begin listening in a way where the other person feels heard and supported, you will:

• Learn how to truly see the other person and acknowledge where they’re coming from through empathic listening
• Understand the common roadblocks to empathic listening
• Identify the roadblocks you use most and their impact on your relationship
• Practice reflective listening to create a more welcoming space for sharing and to de-escalate heated conversations

Module 3 – Sharing Your Feelings and Needs
Many of us struggle with sharing our feelings and needs with others (and sometimes even with ourselves). Yet it’s important not just because our feelings and needs are important and legitimate, but also because sharing helps deepen the connection in our relationship.

To begin sharing your feelings and needs, you will:

• Learn the difference between sharing the power in the conversation and using power over them to “win”
• Understand how sharing invites your partner to see us in your vulnerability and support you in meeting your needs
• Learn the common roadblocks to sharing in a way that’s assertive and not aggressive or passive
• Identify the roadblocks you most use and what’s underlying them
• Practice making assertions that invite – not demand – the other person to help you address your needs and wants

Module 4 – Unpacking Your Baggage and Internalized Messages 
Standing in the way of our natural self-expression of love and belief in our own lovability are the messages we’ve received from our family, past relationships, and society. To free yourself from them, you will need to first recognize them when they are influencing your thinking and behavior.

To identify what mistaken beliefs are holding you back, you will:

• Identify the common stereotypes and social norms that you have internalized around relationships related to gender, race, sexual orientation, class, age, and culture
• See how those internalized messages have colored your perspective and impacted your behavior
• Identify the baggage you’ve developed from past relationships and in the current one
• See how this baggage has created fixed notions of who your partner is

Module 5 – Turning Conflict Into Growth Opportunities
Whether you’re someone who tries to avoid conflict or to pick fights, we’re taught that someone has to win and someone has to lose. But in that type of coercive situation, the person who “wins” still loses. This model of conflict “resolution” breeds resentment, undermines the sense of connection, and fails to create win/win solutions.

To transform moments of conflict into opportunities for connection and growth, you will:

• See how differences between you and your partner can be complementary and lead to greater growth instead of being divisive
• View stress and conflict as a red flag pointing to an important need, fear, or pain that needs to be addressed
• Distinguish between someone’s intention and impact and how both are important to hold as true
• Understand the difference between taking responsibility for your own emotions and behaviors and not taking responsibility for the other person’s happiness
• Create your own intentional process to proactively diffuse and address upset feelings

Module 6 – Supporting Each Other’s Personal Growth Goals
We’re taught that there’s the “perfect person” out there for us. But when our partner ends up not being “perfect,” we end up trying to change them by nagging or being controlling. This often ends up having the opposite intended effect, limiting their growth rather than supporting it.

To create a supportive environment for personal development, you will:

• Understand how to help someone grow into the person they want to be and not who you want them to be
• Learn the best way to champion someone’s growth, giving them unconditional acceptance while holding their dreams and goals as 100% possible
• Distinguish between behaviors that are stressful but not violating, which you need to address within yourself, and behaviors that are violating, which the other person needs to take responsibility for and change
• Practice discussing problematic behaviors and inviting the other person to brainstorm solutions together

Module 7 – Turning Draining Habits into Nurturing Habits
Many relationships are plagued by ruts and dysfunctional patterns that never seem to change. The best way to address these draining habits is to replace them with habits that nurture the relationship.

To learn how to create new nourishing habits that feed the relationship, you will:

• Identify the habits that drain energy and their impact on the relationship
• Get a toolbox of different habits that build connection to refer to
• Identify healthy habits that are aligned with your shared vision and values around the relationship
• Practice replacing a draining habit with a nurturing habit to strengthen the relationship
• Understand common resistance to change and learn how to overcome them

Module 8 – Co-creating for the Future
A relationship can be a great facilitator for your growth as an individual and as a couple. With the skills and habits you’ve learned from the course, you’re ready to build on that foundation and co-create an inspiring plan for the future.

To get ready to take your relationship to the next level, you will:

• Revisit your initial vision created in Module 1 and reflect on it from your new perspective
• Identify what has been most important and valuable in the learning process
• Co-create another vision for the relationship and identify nurturing habits that will support that vision
• Create a plan to springboard you forward into action after the course is over

How will I access everything?
After signing up, you will receive an email providing directions on how to access the private Relationship Course intranet on the Everyday Feminism website. From within the course intranet, you will be able to do everything – from accessing the course modules and exercises to signing up for private coaching sessions. You will also have a private online course journal where you can complete exercises and save them for future reference. Your access to the course never expires so you can come back whenever you need support.

Do I need to be in a relationship to take this course?
While this course is great for couples to do together, you can definitely be single and still benefit from this course. Since much of the work is self-exploratory, you can do that by yourself in order to better understand how and why you think and act the way you do in relationships. In some ways, it may be easier to do this course first when you’re not in a relationship because there is less “pressure” and then do some of the modules again with your partner, if and when you have one.

What if my partner doesn’t want to take the course?
While this course works best if all parties in the relationship are proactively engaged in the course, it can still be beneficial if only one person is intentionally taking the course. Often times when someone refuses to engage in personal development, it’s because they fear failure and don’t think it will work.

In most relationships, there’s often one person who’s more interested in improving it and will end up being the catalyst for change in the relationship. By you simply changing your communication style and inviting your partner to try out some stuff for fun, you can start to shift the other person’s expectations around change and what’s possible for the relationship. And as the relationship improves, their openness to taking the course grows.

Does this course only apply to romantic relationships?
No, this course can help you improve any type of relationship you are in – whether that’s with your friends, family, or co-workers. The self-discovery, interpersonal skills, and intentional habits you’ll develop can be applied to any all and all relationships that you truly value and want to nurture. Our romantic partners tend to be the most important people in our lives but if the most important relationships in your life are not romantic, all the course materials still apply!

Is this course only for straight, cisgender couples?
No, this is for anyone who wants to have a stronger relationship with someone they care about. We explicitly explore different stereotypes and social norms attached to different groups of people to find out what has been internalized and is impacting the relationship. This course also doesn’t assume we know what’s best for you. Instead the course focuses on giving you tools for self-exploration and to determine what is best for you, according to you.

If both of us are doing the course, do we pay twice or just once?
Since we want to encourage people in relationships to do the course together, you only need to pay for one space per couple.

Will I get all the course modules at once or one at a time?
In order to help you process and digest the course at a reasonable pace, a new module will be released every two weeks for four months. We recommend that you spend at least two weeks on each module but you may find that you need more time, which is fine, since you have life-time access to the course!

How will I stay connected to the course and community?
For the first four months, you will receive weekly emails notifying you of new modules, reminders about private coaching sessions, and other articles and tips. You can participate in the online discussion anytime within each module, connecting with Sandra and other course members.

How do you do the private coaching? How many times can we have a session?
Coaching sessions with Sandra are are designed to help you or you and your partner work through any questions or struggles you’re having in understanding and implementing the course modules. They are conducted via telephone or Skype video calls and are 45-minutes long. You can schedule up to 3 sessions for the first year of your enrollment.

What do you mean by lifetime access? Will I get access to new updates as they roll out?
Lifetime access means that you will have access to the course for as long as it’s being offered. During this time, you will always been able to access the course modules and bonuses. This also means if we make any changes and updates to the course in the future, you will have access to them as well. The only time limited component is the one-on-one coaching sessions, which are only for the first year after you’ve enrolled.

I would like to take this course but can I justify spending money on myself?
For some people, they don’t have the additional money to spend on a course (see next question below). For others, they may have the money but feel uncomfortable spending it on something that’s just for their own benefit. Needless to say, we think you’re worth it!

Regardless if you enroll in this course, please remember, you still deserve to be able to love yourself and focus on your needs.

If I don’t have the extra money to pay for this course right now but I really want to take it, what should I do?
We’ve purposely underpriced this 4-month course, which includes private coaching sessions, at $97 (the equivalent of just $6 per week!) to make it more financially accessible. However, we understand that within our community, even $6 per week may be too much for some.

So here are some ways to manage the fee and still access the course:

I’ve taken another Everyday Feminism course. Do I get a repeat customer discount?
Yes, we do give a 15% repeat customer discount as our thank you! If you’ve enrolled in one of other online courses and are enrolling in a new one, please let us know via the Contact Us form. We’ll email you back to confirm that we’re refunding you 15% of the course fee.

Is the course accessible for people with a hearing impairment?
Yes, it is. Everything in the course is available in a written format except for one-on-one coaching sessions.

Can I take this course instead of getting couples therapy?
The course is not intended to replace therapy sessions with a licensed counselor or psychologist since it is an online course with limited individual support. Additionally Sandra is a life coach, not a mental health professional and is not qualified to work with people with serious psychological issues, such as substance abuse, major depression, and personality disorders. If you are struggling with such issues, we recommend you seek counseling first. If you currently are in therapy, this course can be a strong complement and we recommend you discuss it with your therapist before enrolling to see if it’s a good match.

How does the 30-day money-back guarantee work?
We want to make sure that this course is right for you. And if you find that it’s not, you can get a full refund anytime within the first 30 days of the course just by letting us know.