Chad: I hate having a birthday during Black History Month. Why do I only get a day when they get an entire month?
Mandy: You’re so smart, babe.
Chad: You know what we really need? We need a White History Month.
Franchesca: Did someone say that there should be a White History Month?
Chad: Yeah. How did you know?
Franchesca: Let me guess. You’re not racist or anything, but you just think it’ll be better if we didn’t have a Black History Month in America at all?
Chad: Yeah. Pretty much.
Franchesca: Ugh. Let’s get this over with.
Mandy: And then Chadwick, when is cribbage?
Chad: It’s Mandy and I. Why are we dressed so [uncool]? What are those stupid ass shoes? Why is everything so different?
Franchesca: Well, you see Chad, without black inventors, our world would have missed out on huge advancements in cellphone technology, gaming consoles, and personal computers. Not to mention important shoe-making techniques, light bulbs that last more than a few days, and delicious, delicious potato chips.
A world without black history is completely different.
Chad: Yeah, but all that stuff would have gotten invented anyway.
Franchesca: If all inventions are inevitable, then why celebrate any inventors, Chad?
Chad: Wait, where’s grandpa? Grandpa’s dead?
Franchesca: Yes. Not only did the black engineer help invent the pacemaker, but the first successful open heart surgery was done by a black surgeon. Black history is not just about technology.
What do you feel like listening to? Classical, Irish tap dancing, polka music, an entire crooner station, more classical?
Chad: Okay. I see what you’re doing here. Just put on Elvis, and I’ll be good.
Franchesca: Elvis who?
Chad: Fine. I walked right into that. Kenny Chesney or something.
Franchesca: Oh, sorry, dude. Country music has its roots in black R’n’B, which means, a world without black history is a world without country music.
Chad: No. This place [sucks]. Where are we?
Franchesca: Time Square, Midtown Manhattan. Ever heard of it?
Chad: Yeah, right. This is more like some boring ass town in some shitty little country or some shit.
Franchesca: Pretty much. Not only was most of early New York City built by African slaves, but without black slaves, the South never developed its labor intensive cotton and tobacco plantations.
Franchesca: Which means that the North never developed its financial sector or have the industries meant support that very same lucrative cotton industry.
Franchesca: It’s entirely possible that without the contributions of Black Americans, we wouldn’t have the money to have made the Louisiana purchase from France.
Franchesca: The land deal that expanded America’s borders and catapulted it into being one of the world’s leading food producers, as well as a global leader.
Chad: Wait. You’re saying that without black people, most of this country is owned by France?!
Franchesca: It’s entirely possible.
Chad: No, no. Take me back. I want to go back. I want to go back.
Chad: (Returning to present time) What month is it?
Mandy: Black History Month.
Chad: Oh, thank God. Happy Black History Month, Grandpa. Happy Black History Month, potato chip. Happy Black History Month, cellphone. Happy Black History Month, hip hop and streetwear apparel. God bless Black History Month.
Mandy: Black History Month? You just said there should be a White History–
Chad: I’m woke now.