I write this to speak to transgender men who love, desire, and have sex with other men (cis and trans). I write to you with a request. It is not common to discuss the homophobia that exists within our trans men and queer boi communities, especially among those of us who are of color. So brothers, please let’s talk about it now before it’s too late.
We must continue to run to freedom. We must continue to raze institutions that do not service our freedom. It is the knowing that we are running to freedom that causes so much anxiety and anger. It is the fear that we might know ourselves powerful and fierce, greater than any chain that tries to keep us bound. We must continue to rise, like dandelions.
Many of us have been wounded by the violent patriarchal, heteronormative, and racist structures that are the pillars of capitalism, empire, and colonization. Many of us long to be free. Healing ourselves — body, spirit, and mind — is essential to feminism. We must bring radical love back to the center of our movements. Radical self-love and self-care are central components to social justice.
Most articles about being a good lover begin with “How to Please Your Man” directives. Not this one. The heart of being a good lover starts with communication and self-awareness, making sure that you always carry a self-awareness and communication tool-kit. So here are a few more pointers that I’ve developed on how to take a feminist approach to good loving.
I have gone from being a big, strong looking Black woman to being a young, lanky Black man. I have always carried with me both masculine and feminine energies, but I have often been forced to choose one over the other depending upon the space around me. The gender binary affects us all in detrimental ways. And while masculinity may seem to offer more room, it also has its limitations. We must make room for all genders to grow and move freely.
Too many times, oppressed people use whatever power they have secured to oppress another instead of using that power to challenge the hierarchal order of things. Internalized racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, and misogyny are all alive and well and we must continue to battle those beasts within. We have to ask more of ourselves and the communities we are a part of.