Sex Shields


Alright, so imagine an early biped walking around the planet, ten-thousand years ago. This person’s got cracked heels, callous feet, a lot of things going on with her soles. Finds herself some left-over mammoth hide and straps it on to her feet. And now we’ve got first-generation sandals which have then become shoes and heels and what is now a one-hundred billion dollar industry.

Why is this industry so booming? Because an addition to wanting to safeguard our toes, we also like to express ourselves through our footwear.

Human beings also use similar systems to avoid making babies and to protect themselves from diseases. They also started with animal parts. Condom materials have evolved lube latex rubber, so you don’t have to share your animal friends during your sexual episodes.

Dams! Dams are form of protection for Anilingus or Cunnilingus. (Cunnilingus: oral sex on the vulva. Anilingus: oral sex on the anus.) They are made from polyurethane or latex, laid over top of the person’s body fluid membrane. The partner can lick like this and have fun without exposing face to groin or groin to face.

In-condoms! Condoms that go inside the body. Expiration date. Kinda looks like a bag. Inside it has a ring that’s similar to the NuvaRing, except this one does not have hormones in it. On the outside there’s also a ring.

The way that I recommend people insert this into the vagina is twist it to a figure eight so you can hold onto this slippery, lubricated on the inside outside condom. Stick it into the vagina, push it all the way back past the pubic bone so it holds in place and then this ring here, covers the vulva to protect you from herpes and HPV.

Object of insertion, not here or here, inside the condom, person does their thing, exits. And then to clean up, just turn this ring, pull it out, put it in the trash.

One of the really great things about this condom is that you put it in hours(6-8 hours) in advance! You can also protect yourself as the receptive partner. Sometimes people don’t like it because it’s noisy but what I say is to make more of your own noise, or know that is the sound of you protecting yourself.

This condom can also be used for anal sex (not FDA approved). You can leave the ring in for an interesting sensation or pull it out and then because it is so heavily-lubricated on the inside and outside, slide it onto the object of insertion and into the rectum with less tearing. Ohhh…lubey.

Out-condoms! First thing you’re gonna do is check the expiration date, then you’re gonna let go of the erection. You’re going to tear this little piece some aside. Leave that guy on so you don’t have to worry about finding it the next day. Push the condom out, rather than getting it with your fingernails.

Grab it with your fingertips and then make sure it is going in the right direction. See that you have rolled it on your two fingers, easily moving down. If it doesn’t and you tried it in your fingers, not to worry, there are no body fluids there. But if you tried it on the penis and it goes the wrong way, make sure to throw that condom away.

Grab all this excess material here and pinch it so there’s no air inside. Set it on the glans or head of the penis and then roll it over the corona, this ridge right here. You should roll all the way down to the base, watch out for pubic hair, make sure that it fits comfortably and there’s no air up in this portion here. We want this excess material here because that’s where the seminal fluid goes.

When you’re finished, the person wearing the condom pulls it off away from anyone’s body that could get pregnant or infected with a disease and slowly remove it so that the fluid does not spill out. When you have the condom off of the body part, tie it in a knot and throw this guy in the trash.


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Lindsey Doe is a clinical sexologist and host of the sex education YouTube channel Sexplanations. She has a bachelor of arts degree in Psychology, a master’s degree in Health and Human Performance with a concentration in Health Promotion, and a doctorate in Human Sexuality. When she’s not creating sex-positive, informative content, she enjoys playing with her dogs and watching Firefly.