JON STEWART: For more, we go to Jessica Williams live tonight outside the Senate. Thank you very much, Jessica! What is your– You’re a woman, Jessica. What is your take on all this? You’re clapping, I get it. That guy was clapping, so now you’re clapping…
JESSICA WILLIAMS: Oh no, Jon. You know, this is just how we women show our appreciation for the male gaze. And if I may offer my own unsolicited comment to that guy: Those smiles do not indicate a 90% success rate.
JON: They don’t? But what do you mean? What do the smiles mean?
JESSICA: You know what, Jon, it means that the woman is trying her best to end this interaction. Because if she doesn’t smile, he might tell her to smile. If she tells you to leave her alone, you’ll probably call her a bitch. And I know he thinks he’s different, that he’s classy, he’s charming.
But since going to work isn’t a performance, we’re not looking for applause. And what he’s doing is basically just a high-minded, Lincoln Center version of “Hey, sweet tits.”
JON: I see you seem to have struck a nerve with our audience. Well on behalf of my gender, I am so sorry.
JESSICA: Oh, you know what Jon? I’ve actually heard a lot worse! One time this guy with a hairless cat standing on the street told me that I–
JON: No no no! Don’t finish this! Because I know where that’s going.
JESSICA: Okay, deal! Deal. That’s fine. But my point is, this Telly Savalas-looking motherfucker–and that’s right! I know who Telly Savalas is! He’s Kojak, right? ‘Cause my grandma used to watch it and she would always talk about it. I guess you–he was a sexy guy, like an NYPD officer?
JON: He was–he was very sexy, that’s right.
JESSICA: Okay. Whatever. Anyway, that Telly Savalas-looking motherfucker should hold his applause because our walk to work is not there for him to comment on. It’s not a red carpet; it’s not a Fashion Week runway; it’s a sidewalk.
And believe it or not, getting the horny clap of approval from any guy does not improve my day. It actually creeps me out. So guys, get some impulse control, because I got some shit to do.
JON: Jessica Williams, everybody. We’ll be right back.