KAT LAZO: Hey, and welcome to How to Make Halloween Cupcakes Tutorial! These aren’t your everyday cupcakes. It’s Halloween, which means that these cupcakes are mass-manufactured racist and sexist cupcakes disguised in eroticism and humor! How spooky!
First, you want to preheat your oven to 350 degrees, like the degrees to which slut-shaming is heightened on this holiday. That’s hot!
Instead of researching a new and unique recipe, I’m just gonna use this box. Kind of like the one that you don’t think outside of when you’re picking your costume.
Picking the right cupcake mix is really crucial, because it’s deeply ingrained into your batter, in a similar fashion that white supremacy and misogyny are in our society.
Next, you’re gonna want to add one cup of water. Add one cup of oil. Make sure that your oil is 100% heteronormative because you don’t want to over-complicate the recipe by having anything too inclusive.
So the next step would be adding eggs to your batter. And if you don’t have any eggs, just go steal some from your neighbor. You know, the way you would steal someone’s culture and identity. It’s Halloween! They should understand. These are my neighbor Juanita’s eggs. She’s so sassy!
Now it’s time to mix up all your ingredients into a big bowl. And make sure to scrape those sides clean, in the manner that we scrape people of color and other marginalized folks of their dignity!
Don’t forget to line your cupcake pans with paper liners. They’re really important because they protect the batter from sticking. Kind of like how October 31st protects you from getting in trouble for perpetuating harmful stereotypes and stigmas.
You want to pour the batter so that it fits the mold. Those that don’t will be isolated from the rest of the cupcakes.
These look so yummy. Now, they’re ready to bake. Make sure to leave them in the oven for 20-25 minutes. I’m excited!
While you’re waiting for your yummy cupcakes to come out of the oven, take this time to scrub your kitchen clean of any evidence that you were even there, just like the genocide of Native Americans! Oh, that reminds me: I have to get my headdress!
Ready! Now, onto my favorite part: frosting. For the purposes of Halloween, I’m gonna use two frostings: a girl frosting, and a boy frosting. I only have the girl frosting. I need the guy frosting.
VOICE (off camera): Why would you need two different frostings?
KAT: Genders have different dietary needs!
VOICE: What are you talking about?
KAT: How else are people gonna understand what to eat? A girl can’t eat a blue cupcake, and a guy can’t eat a pink cupcake! You’re ridiculous.
Don’t be afraid to get a little crazy with your frosting! Feel free to layer with as many excuses as people make for Blackface! I call this first layer “Relax, it’s just a joke.” This second layer, I call “How can it be racist? Our President is Black.” And third, but not least, “What about when the Wayans brothers did Whiteface in White Chicks?”
Yummy! Thanks for watching “How to Make Halloween Cupcakes Tutorial!” I hope you’ve enjoyed the process, and I hope that you enjoy these treats at home! Mmm, so ignorantly tasty!
(wretches) Ugh, that’s disgusting!
Hey folks, thanks for watching. Hopefully you actually enjoyed the video and not those nasty-ass cupcakes. Make sure to click around for last year’s Halloween videos. And stay tuned! Happy Halloween!
