LOUIE TOMASKIN: I didn’t come out until I was fifteen, but I had no closet door at all.
CANDI BRINGS PLENTY-WRIGHT: In the beginning, I used to say I was bi because I couldn’t find my own definition at the time. I just knew that I didn’t like guys, and I knew that I liked girls.
PHILLIP HILLAIRE: Bellingham was a hard place to grow up as an Indian, and later as a gay person.
STEPHANIE TOMASKIN: I met someone here in Portland, and I was really close to my dad at the time, so I decided to tell him one day, and he told me that it was just a phase and that he loved me and that I would get over it.
JACKIE CLOUD: A spiritual elder who I would link to be an elder and a guide to me — his name was Old Man — and finally I came out to him, and I said, “I have these attractions to women, and I don’t know what to do with them,” and he said, “You are a Two Spirit person” — that I was gifted with a male spirit and a female spirit.
PHILLIP: I officially went to my mom and my dad and said, “I have something to say.” And it was the middle of the night and I woke them up, said, “I’m gay. I’m going to move away. I’m going to live my life now.” So there was a lot of disappointment from my mom and my dad — more my mom. She felt there was some failure of her upbringing me. I assured her that I wasn’t a failure, and that it was just the way I am.
It took my mom probably about eight or ten years before she finally accepted it. She realized that “he’s happy.”
My mother happened to be going through chemotherapy for cancer, and she’d been fighting for years. She had her last chemotherapy treatment, and her doctor told her that there was nothing more we could do. They said, “You need to take care of your business.” So she had my sister drive her to Portland, and it happened to be Christmas Eve. Paul and I were decorating our tree, and the doorbell rang, and I went to answer it; it was my mom.
So she goes, “Oh, I just came down to make sure you’re okay.” That was already the biggest obstacle in my life was having her accept me. So, thank you, Mom.
JACKIE: Through that period of time where I was fluctuating between who I was and wasn’t, I encountered a lot of depression. And I also found alcohol.
LOUIE: I just got into alcohol and drugs.
JACKIE: I know that I just about lost everything in my life at that point.
LOUIE: I was in a situation where I was close to being homeless: no job, no income, no money.
JACKIE: Once I realized that I had a problem with alcohol, I went into residential treatment.
LOUIE: I realized what was going on, and I went to rehab.
JACKIE: Because of treatment and having been clean and sober since that time, I have a different perspective on life.
LOUIE: A lot of my friends around here help a lot and push me towards my goals.
JACKIE: I’ve learned to be humble and live in gratitude for being Two Spirit and recognizing that it is a gift, and I believe that I have come full circle with that to the point of believing that I am gifted. Truly gifted.
CANDI: Before having children, I don’t think I really took part in the community because the community was just my environment. And now that I have children, the community is our home.
AMANDA BRINGS PLENTY-WRIGHT: My daughters teach me every day about what it is to be kind and what it is to make a community and has really grounded me in who I am and what I believe.
DAUGHTER #1: I think what makes a family is people who love each other and take care of each other.
DAUGHTER #2: The greatest thing about two moms is they have lots of good in them and they give you lots of love.
DAUGHTER #3: The thing that I love about my moms is that I’m happy when they make each other laugh!
LOUIE: She’s always been there. When we were kids, people would pick on me, throw rocks at me. And she would be right there, throwing rocks back at them. My little protector.
STEPHANIE: To all the straight Native people or straight people, I would say, don’t make it harder than it is for your daughter, for your son. Because it is so hard when you don’t have that family support.
PHILLIP: Any young Two Spirit person who is able and willing to come out, I would encourage them to reach through to their elders. I want young people to keep that; to hold onto their families and help rebuild that trust with them, that respect with them, and love them for who they are.
JACKIE: What I would say to Two Spirit Native youth would be to empower themselves by having the courage to walk the journey, to be able to change that template, and to say, “I am going to be proud of being Two Spirit and who I am” and move forward and proclaim.
