Men Holding Each Other Accountable for Rape Culture

December 14, 2014 / Guante

Editors Note: While this spoken word poem is specifically about men holding each other accountable in the battle against rape culture, Everyday Feminism recognizes that not all relationships are heterosexual and gender is not limited to male or female.

People of many different gender identities and sexualities perpetuate, and are victimized by, sexual violence. Regardless of your gender, it is of the utmost importance that you call your friends in and address their participation in sexual violence, intimate partner violence, and any other form of abuse.

In his spoken word poem “Action,” Guante reflects on how he should have held his friend accountable for the abusive way he spoke about and treated his girlfriend. He analyzes how the media teaches men to think of sex as an act of violence, to victim blame, and to objectify women and how.

Click for the Transcript

Guante: This poem is called Action.

There is a conversation that never happened, not even a deleted scene, more like a story board lost, an idea cut from the first draft.

You are co-staring, slouched on the futon while we watch the game, telling me about your new girlfriend, or more specifically, what you’re going to do to your new girlfriend.

Action.

Part of me still remembers my lines, even though I never said them.

The conversation I just couldn’t start for fear of embarrassment or losing our friendship or just because the commercials were over.

That one tiny gesture that might not have changed anything but might have.

I remember how I never muted the TV, never put my drink down, and never said, ‘Man, the way you talk about her, the way you treat her, your hands are getting too big for your heart. I can smell the future you on your breath. She isn’t safe with you.’

Now, it’s two weeks later and we’re standing in my kitchen. That same silence between us. She didn’t want to press charges, so you’re a convict with sledgehammer hands and no boulders to break them on.

And I am remembering how we used to play football together. Numbers 55 and 56, both inside linebackers.

I am remembering the dozens of conversations that never happened, the words over sleeping in the bed of my alarms.

I am the least important person in this story and part of me wants to believe that you wouldn’t have listened anyway, that some evil spirit whispered itself into your skull.

Part of me wants to believe that we didn’t grow up three blocks from each other, that our eyes aren’t the same color. Part of me is always repeating those lines, always reshooting that scene, always reminding myself that despite this guilt, I’m not a bad guy.

You tell me she never said no, that you’re sorry, that you’re not a bad guy.

Rape culture is silence, is being able to see the future and not doing anything about it. It is believing the fairy tale platitude that there are good people and bad people and that as long as you’re not one of the bad people, your job is done.

Your conscience is clear, it is all of us swimming through the same polluted waters of beer commercials policing masculinity and stand up comedians making rape jokes to sound edgy and media talking heads blaming the victim and music portraying women as disposable sex objects.

It is language encouraging us to think of sex as violence. Fuck. Hit. Bang. Smash.

It is telling our daughters to dress sensibly and not walk alone at night and telling our sons it is a conversation that never happened.

This is not an excuse for you. It is a reminder for me that while her silence will always mean no, my silence, the silence between us will always mean yes.

Please read the following Everyday Feminism articles to learn more about rape culture:

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Guante is a hip hop artist, two-time National Poetry Slam champion, social justice activist, educator, and writer. He and/or his work has appeared on Upworthy, MSNBC, Racialicious, Feministing, MPR, the Progressive, City Pages’ “Artists of the Year” list and URB Magazine’s “Next 1000” list, and he’s shared bills with Talib Kweli, Saul Williams, Brother Ali, Dead Prez, Sage Francis, Andrea Gibson, Doomtree, Zion I and more. Guante’s work explores the intersections of art, media and social justice education; to that end, he facilitates workshops on identity, power and privilege, founded the MN Activist Project and Hip Hop Against Homophobia concert series, writes essays and op-eds, and works with COMPAS, TruArtSpeaks and others to engage in artist residencies around writing and performance for youth. For more of his poetry, visit his YouTube channel and Facebook page. Follow him on Twitter @elguante.