How Stereotypes About What Queer Women Look Like Erases Femmes

January 9, 2015 / Joy Young

There are a lot of stereotypes about the way queer women are “supposed” to look. Short hair, bow ties, flannel — the norm is that queer women present more masculine.

And while that is a perfectly valid form of expression, the normalization of this image can lead to the erasure of queer women who don’t present this way.

Check out this poem by Joy Young recalling how a femme friend of theirs had to fight for visibility in the queer community.

Video courtesy of Button Poetry. For more amazing spoken word performances, check them out on YouTube and Facebook.

Click for the Transcript

My femme friend finally got herself a queer haircut. You know the one where you have a half girl haircut with one section shaved, taking one foot out of heteronormativity like you’re doing the queer hokey pokey. Trying to turn everyone else around.

It made her happy and we knew it. We applauded her. She beamed about it. Her hair: her own queer Bat Signal in the sky announcing her lesbian arrival.

Though she’s been here as long as I remember, she finally felt super stripped of her invisibility, her remaining hair wrapped around her neck like a lasso of truth. She chokes out another gasp of “I’m gay” when men come on to her, and they’ll believe her now.

She remembers two nights ago in a bar, ghost walking straight through the gay bar, being black light sensitive, only contextually visible.

Illuminated when I or any of our other “obviously queer” friends stood close enough.

And us leaving, disconnected empowerment lines linking the charge of her own voiced experience to what being queer is like.

She sent me a picture of scissors sitting close to her scalp, ready to cut red wire locks and as time ticks down seconds.

Three. Before she feels she feels she has exploded.

Two. Into nonexistence again.

One.

She snaps another photo to send. And we can all see her now.

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Joy Young is a poet who currently lives and performs in Phoenix, AZ. Joy’s writing and spoken word performance work explores nuanced understandings of gender, sex, and sexuality. Recently, Joy placed first at the 2012 Phoenix Festival of Arts Individual Slam and successfully competed to be a representative on the Phoenix Slam Team. They were also the Women of Sedona Slam champion, earning their the venue’s slot for the 2013 Women of the World Slam. Check out their website for more information on their many ongoing projects, or follow them on Twitter @haiKutepoet.