Sara: As the kid of immigrants, it can be scary thinking this part of me is different and what if it changes the way that they see me.
Joel: My God, I was so scared.
Andrew: All throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school, I thought something was wrong with me.
Priscilla: We all have this idea of what gay looks like and some people, when I walk on the streets, people won’t look at me and think “gay.” I think that’s been the hardest part – to kind of feel valid in my own gayness.
Joel: I had feelings for guys, I repressed them, but it comes out eventually.
Andrew: My parents struggled a lot in Vietnam, even just trying to come to America. It does have a factor in how difficult it was for me to come out.
Joel: My parents both grew up in Mexico. My mom, she’s very religious and from a very conservative family.
Andrew: I want to have a life that makes them happy. I didn’t want to impose that on my parents at all. I didn’t want to stress them out.
Rashmi: My parents were both from Karnataka, India. One of the biggest things that you think about and talk about and base your decisions on is reputation, so when I came out to my mom her immediate concerns were “What will the family think?”
Sara: As an immigrant, she came here to the United States with — [speaking to their mom] you had two suitcases and…
Vivan: And $200 in my pocket.
Sara: She would be a natural fit to understand what it means to make happiness on my own terms or challenging my parents’ idea of what happiness means in my life.
Priscilla: The way I kind of approached it was like, “This is my girlfriend.”
Noriko: I kind of knew it. I felt something. I knew it, so I was not surprised.
Andrew: My dad immediately was like, “Really?” He’s like, “I had no idea.”
Sara: The sentiment she expressed was “I’m sorry that this is going to make your life harder for you because of other people.” It was never “I’m disappointed in you.” It was always “I want you to have everything you deserve, and this might be a block.”
Rashmi: They were furious. They felt like they couldn’t trust me anymore, and because of that, I felt like I couldn’t trust them anymore because I had just dropped my deepest darkest secret to them and they did not take it well at all.
Joel: My mom started to cry, and she said, “Well, I know a lot of depressed people that became gay, and I think you’re gay because you haven’t been going to church the last four years.”
Rashmi: My mom hired a family therapist in hopes of getting me to reconsider being gay.
Joel: I was like, “I’m not going to change who I am.” She’s like, “You’re a bad person.” The person that should be giving you unconditional love is telling you that you’re a bad person. And my mom said that and I… I just broke, and I was just like, “Fine. You don’t have to have a son who’s gay. You don’t have to have a son at all. I’m leaving this house. You don’t ever have to see me again.”
My dad’s like, “You will not leave this household,” and he blocked the door and then they all came and hugged me and they were like, “We love you. Please stay.” I just started crying.
Rashmi: I didn’t want to hide this from my mom until I’m like 40 and go to her saying “Meet my fiancee.” I’d like to get married someday. I want my grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles to come.
Sara: Since I came out to my mom, I think that she understands me on a deeper level.
Andrew: There was one night where she said, “Andrew, don’t date jerk guys.” And I’m like, “Okay, mom.”
Rashmi: A couple pieces of advice that I would give is make sure you’re ready. Make sure you are prepared for the worst reactions because sometimes they do happen.
Joel: Coming out is still in some parts of the country and in many cultures a very difficult thing to do.
Priscilla: Just accept it for yourself first, and then don’t worry about everyone else.
Noriko: Just accept it.
Sara: If you are struggling to come out to your parents, reminding yourself that you are worthy of love and perfect the way you are. I have a lot of faith in the fact that your reminder will actually be from your parents.
Rashmi: It’s a growing and learning process for both the parents and the person who’s coming out.
Joel: For those of you who are still in the closest, just have hope.
Andrew: Just know that you’re worth it.
Joel: That’s what kept me going.
Sara: Love you, Mom.
Vivan: I love you, Sara.
Sara: I wasn’t expecting to get so feeling. That was so many feelings.
