5 Things You Should Know About Being Genderqueer

5 Things You Should Know About Being Genderqueer with Jacob Tobia

1. It’s about seeing gender differently.

Growing up, I was always told that there are boys and there are girls, and that’s it. And I think there was a point in my life when I realized, “Oh, that’s not actually true. There are people all over this wonderful spectrum of gender.” And that’s what being genderqueer is all about, I think.

2. It’s about sharing your identity.

Sometimes, people think that this whole community support thing is really difficult. And how do I support people best and embrace their identity kind of starts with shoes. When someone is trying to embrace their gender for the first time and their femininity, maybe they just need to borrow a pair of heels, you know? When one of your friends is trying to experience with masculinity and needs to borrow a bow tie, but doesn’t have a bow tie yet, help them learn to tie a bow tie and give them your bow tie. That kind of stuff is so important.

3. It’s different from transgender.

A lot of times these words can get really confusing because there’s trans people, there’s genderqueer people, there’s gender non-conforming people, there’s gender non-binary people, and who is what, right? They’re all kind of interrelated and describe life experiences where the way that you are raised and the gender you were raised to be doesn’t quite make sense for you. At the end of the day, if you want to understand the words, go on Wikipedia and read them. Go read the Internet. Go read some trans blogs. Is someone genderqueer? Are they trans? You don’t need to know by looking at someone because the bottom line is you should respect them and love them regardless, okay?

4. It can be scary but also empowering.

There are some days when I’m putting on a skirt, and I’m leaving the house, and I’m like, “Do I really even want to wear this?” Because I’m never sure when someone is gonna catcall me or when someone is going to harass me or when someone is gonna make a comment on the subway. And so it can be scary to be who I am sometimes, but at the same token, walking around, I’ll get a lot of affirmation from people who are really—who are really happy that I’m expressing who I am, and people who would be like, “Yes, girl, work.” It’s a mixed bag, but ideally, genderqueer people shouldn’t have to choose between whether or not it’s going to be a day when someone catcalls you and—you know—embarrasses you in public or a day when someone connects with you and makes you feel good. Ideally, you should always feel good.

5. It’s about community.

When I enter a room full of people where everyone is happy in their skin and people just embrace who they are, I mean, that’s so cool, right? Those affirmations make it all worth it because I know that—or I hope that me being authentic is helping, is making the world more fun for everyone and making the world a place where everyone gets to be a little more authentic with who they are.