Heartbreaking Questions This Poet Has Heard As a Woman, Midwife, and Advocate

April 23, 2016 / Kayla Q

(Content Warning: intimate partner violence, sexual violence)

“What do I do?”

Poet and doula Kayla Q offers a painfully poignant view of what it’s like to be a woman in sexist society in this performance from the 2015 Great Plains Poetry Pile-Up.

She recites questions she’s been asked as a midwife, like “What’s a cervix?” And the questions she’s heard as an advocate for survivors of sexual assault and intimate partner violence: “I have three kids with me. Do you have space?” And finally, the questions so many of us have gotten as women, like “Why are you not married yet?”

This performance simultaneously captures the vulnerability and strength of surviving sexist objectification, violence and more. Kayla Q’s last line will stay with us for a long time as we work to change our culture.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Speaker 1: Questions I’ve been asked as a midwife: How effective is the pullout method? What is consent? My four year old has an ear infection. What should I do? Should I get my kids vaccinated? Can I breastfeed with implants? What’s gonorrhea?

Can sugar give you an STI? What’s up with the anal leakage and the spontaneous orgasms? My nipples look like bologna. Is that normal? Is this pain normal? Why am I so horny, and what’s a cervix?

What’s the best birthing position? I’ve miscarried, and my milk won’t dry up. What do I do? My husband doesn’t know about my two abortions. Could you not tell him, please?

My partner gave me chlamydia for the third time. What do I do? I don’t want to be pregnant. What do I do? I have syphilis. What do I do? I am HIV positive. What do I do? What do I do?

Questions I’ve been asked as a survivor’s advocate: Can I get some more diapers for my two year-old? Sandy stole my shampoo again. Can I get some more? Could you help me get my kids back? Will you not CPS inside? Are they going to take my kids again?

Is this place safe? Last time he tried to douse me in gasoline. Y’all don’t have matches around here, right? Can you see this place on Google Maps?

I’m in immediate danger. Do you have space? I tried calling the police. Nothing changes. Do you have space? I have a gun to my head. Do you have space? I have three kids with me. Do you have space? They won’t take them if I come, will they?

My four-year-old needs sexual trauma counseling. Do you all offer that? He punctured my left lung. Can I bring oxygen there? You all got any bus tokens?

Questions I’ve been asked as a woman: Hey mommy, where you going? Girl, why you walking away? Why can’t you just talk to a man? Bitch, why you ignoring me? You ugly anyway. You a dyke or something? Why you so rude, ma? How come you don’t have any kids yet? Why you not married yet? What you expect just walking around here?

Honey, why are you ignoring my phone calls? You know we’re meant to be together, right? I give up a lot for you. Why are you so selfish? You used to like it when I did that. You want my kids, don’t you? You want this dick, don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?

Answer I’ve had to give as a woman: A woman’s body is unapologetically powerful. She is so powerful, she is often taught to be scared of herself.

Females prepare ourselves enough to know that we will never be prepared. Every decision and choice we make about our body is always the right one.

And a midwife is a woman’s primary care provider throughout her reproductive years. We are the granddaughters of the witches they forgot to burn. We are trained to answer every [?].

Thank god that being a woman has given me enough rage to get my work done.

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