I don’t attend the lounge anymore (maybe on special occasions, for the pool) and I am not as disappointed as I once was.

I’ve learned that in a lot of ways, polyamory is a privilege: a privilege that most black people are not able to explore. Because we exist in a monogamous society, one must have a certain degree of access to explore anything outside of what our immediate environment teaches us – black people have little access to almost everything. I didn’t even know about polyamory until I was in college.

Surviving in a white supremacist society is difficult enough, and there is not enough knowledge or support of polyamory in the lives of black people to even make it seem like a viable relationship option.

Additionally, there is a huge socioeconomic element involved in the most basic exploration of polyamory, as the community does exist in the shadows to some degree, and one must be able to meet the financial demands to enter into those shadows (similarly to the kink community).

Ultimately, though, black people like to know that other black people exist in the spaces that they are entering. I know the first thing I do when I walk into a room is look for another black person. I feel safe as soon as I see them.

Currently, the face of polyamory is white and has been for quite some time. It more than likely will remain that way. The face of the world is white – why wouldn’t the polyamorous community be the same?

I still have hope that I will find black polyamorous people somewhere, and that I will have the romantic relationships I have always wanted.

One day.


Alicia Bunyan-Sampson is a writer, director, editor, and a self-proclaimed angry black woman based out of the GTA. Her work primarily focuses on her identity as a black woman living in the Americas and an exploration of trauma and love. You can connect with her via Twitter here and get to know her more via her website here

Image courtesy of Courtney Moore.