Connor Manning: Hi! I’ve been getting a lot of concerned messages on Tumblr recently from people who feel like they’re not bisexual enough or that they’re a “bad bisexual,” and I want to talk about that right now.
Let me stamp a little thesis point on this video. There’s no such thing as a bad bisexual. Maybe if you’re a bad person who’s also bisexual, but in regards to the sexuality, there’s no wrong way to be bi.
When I was first coming out and being like, “Heck yeah, I’m bi!” I felt this massive pressure to be like 50/50 split down the middle equally attracted to everyone, and that’s just not the case for me.
I felt like, and to be honest, I still feel like, sometimes, I’m doing this incorrectly, even though my head’s like, “That’s not a thing,” but my heart and some people around me are making me question that.
Let me just throw out an example. Let’s say you’re a girl. Yeah, girls are great! You’re a girl and you’re bi, but you only seem to be dating guys. And you only seem to want to date guys. But you’re still attracted to girls, you just don’t want to date ’em. Guess what?
You’re still bi, and you’re doing everything a-okay. You’re still great.
It’s important to remember that activity and orientation are not the same thing. Orientation is who you are. Activity is what you do. Or in this case, who. Ha! Orientation can influence activity, of course, but not all the time. Right? Like, not every celibate person is asexual. That’s just not a thing.
Let me just bring it in real quick. Remember that no one can tell you who you are except for you. No one has the ability to do that. You’re the only one who knows what’s going on in your head and in your heart and how you feel about stuff.
You’re the only person who knows that. And a sad thing I see is that sometimes within our own communities, we feel like we’re not living up to expectations. We’re not doing things correctly, and that’s something that really upsets me.
I personally believe that everyone’s story is different, and however people come to understand themselves is valid, it’s legit, and I support it, fully and completely.
When I was first coming out, I needed about six months without a label in order to figure out what felt right to me, and even to this day, the label of bisexual is not necessarily the most important thing to me in the world.
And while visible representation is extremely important, I don’t think it should come at the cost of forcing people to do things they’re not comfortable with. I don’t think it should do that.
But to bring it back to the issue of being a “bad bisexual” – again, that’s not a thing. It’s just not a thing. You are always in control of your identity, and your story, and who you are, and how you express that to the world. You are always, always in control of that.
And however you come to understand yourself, however long it takes, it doesn’t matter. I support that and I support you. So if you want to publicly come out, if you want to stay in a closet, if you want to identify with a label if you don’t want to identify with a label, it doesn’t matter.
What I say does not matter here. What you say does matter. And I feel very, very strongly about that.
That’s all I gotta say on that. If you want to leave me a comment, you can leave me a comment. But I’m going to head off of here. I love you a lot, and I will see you on Friday.
