What Kind of Asian Are You?

SCOTT: Hi there!


SCOTT: Nice day, huh?

STELLA: Yeah, finally, right?

SCOTT: Where are you from? Your English is perfect.

STELLA: San Diego. We speak English there.

SCOTT: Oh, uh no. Where are you…from?

STELLA: Well I was born in Orange County, but I never actually lived there.

SCOTT: I mean, before that.

STELLA: Before I was born?

SCOTT: Yeah, where are your people from?

STELLA: Well, my great grandma was from Seoul.

SCOTT: Korean! I knew it! I was like she’s either Japanese or Korean. But I was leaning more towards Korean.

STELLA: Amazing.

SCOTT: Gahm-sah-hahm-ni-da. There’s a really good teriyaki barbecue place near my apartment. I actually really like kimchi.

STELLA: Cool. What about you? Where are you from?

SCOTT: San Francisco.

STELLA: But where are you from?

SCOTT: Oh, I’m just American.

STELLA: Really. You’re Native American.

SCOTT: No. Uh, just regular American. Oh. Uh, well, I guess my grandparents are from England.

STELLA: Oh. Well, then. (English accent) ‘Ello Gov’ner! What’s all this then! Top o’ the morning to ya! Let’s get a spot o’ tea! Spot o’ tea? Double, double, toil and trouble! Mind the gap! Beware, Jack the Ripper! Bloody hell! Pip pip! Cheerio!

I think your people’s fish and chips are amazing!

SCOTT: You’re weird.

STELLA: Really? I’m weird? Must be a Korean thing.


STELLA: Fish and Chips. Pheasants. Clotted Cream. Bangers and mash! Guinness. Ploughman’s Lunch! A spot o’ tea! A pint of ale!


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Ken Tanaka (born in Los Angeles, but adopted by a Japanese family and raised in Shimane) is the author of Everybody Dies: A Children’s Book for Grown Ups. He makes videos about his search for his birth parents, and about Japanese language, culture, original songs, films, and comedy. Check out art gallery shows featuring his work here, and follow him on Twitter @KenTanakaLovesU.