If Black People Said the Stuff White People Say

BLACK WOMAN: Wait a minute. You don’t listen to Taylor Swift?

WHITE WOMAN: No…

BLACK WOMAN: Girl, I am like whiter than you.

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BLACK MAN: Was it hard to grow up in the suburbs? It must have been really boring with no police activity or anything/

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BLACK WOMAN: Your hair is amazing. You know, it’s kind of like my golden retriever’s! It’s so limp and lifeless. Like how do you do that?

WHITE WOMAN: Oh. Oh, wow.

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BLACK MAN: Your name is so easy to spell and pronounce! Is it, like, really easy to get a job?

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BLACK WOMAN: Check out these photos of me volunteering at an orphanage in Europe.

WHITE WOMAN: Cool.

BLACK WOMAN: Those little white boys and girls, they were so inspiring.

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BLACK MAN: Oh, wow! Man you don’t sound like a dumb hick at all. That’s so cool.

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BLACK WOMAN: You are so pretty for a white girl.

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BLACK MAN: Too bad when Romney lost, huh? Good old Mitt, couldn’t do it. Could not do it.

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BLACK WOMAN: You’re dating a white guy? Does he have, like, a really tiny penis?

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BLACK MAN: Oh, you must listen to that rural music, right?

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BLACK WOMAN: You know who you look just like?

WHITE WOMAN: Who?

BLACK WOMAN: Jennifer Lawrence!

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BLACK MAN: I just saw Titanic. How are you dealing? I had no idea your people had it so hard.

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BLACK WOMAN: Your skin is so pale. Can I touch it? Wow!

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BLACK MAN: You know, I was just talking about that with my friend Jeremy. He’s white too.

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BLACK WOMAN: I don’t even think of you as white. I don’t! I really don’t.

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BLACK WOMAN: Wow, so you have to wear sunscreen? That is so crazy.

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BLACK MAN: Hey, I’m from out of town. Can you help me find some meth?

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BLACK MAN: What do you mean you don’t listen to Macklemore? You’re white.

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BLACK WOMAN: I’ve always heard that white girls are, like, super boring in bed.

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WHITE MAN: Oh hey!

BLACK MAN: Yo, what’s up my cracker?

WHITE MAN: Woah.

BLACK MAN: Nah man, it’s cool. I can say it, my girlfriend’s white.

WHITE MAN: Yeah, not cool, man.

BLACK MAN: Oh. Okay, my bad Daniel. My bad.

WHITE MAN: It’s Craig.

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BLACK MAN: Craig, Craig, Craig. Daniel, Craig.