WHITE MAN: Hey, watch where you’re going.
LATINO MAN: ¡Estás en California, aprendió a hablar español!
***
LATINA WOMAN: My nanny was white, so I totally get it. I feel like I’m part white because of my nanny.
***
LATINO MAN: Okay, so I get that you’re a proud white person. But you need to tone down your attire just a notch. This is a corporate office. This isn’t a Blink-182 concert.
***
LATINA WOMAN: You speak English?
WHITE WOMAN: Uh-huh.
LATINA WOMAN: Thank God. Okay, can you talk to my accountant for me? I feel like he never understands me.
WHITE WOMAN: Sure…
LATINA WOMAN: This is my friend, okay? This is my friend.
***
LATINA WOMAN: You’re white, right? I hooked up with a white guy once. He was crazy.
***
LATINO MAN: Man, I totally have a thing for white girls. They’re like…boosh.
***
LATINA WOMAN: Is it true that all white people have small, quiet families? I wish I had that.
***
LATINA WOMAN: How do you say your name again?
WHITE WOMAN: Macy.
LATINA WOMAN: I love how you pronounce it. One more time?
WHITE WOMAN: Macy?
LATINA WOMAN: God, I could never say it like that.
***
LATINO MAN: Which do you prefer: Caucasian or European?
***
LATINA WOMAN: Oh my God, I hate spicy food. I feel like I was meant to be white, you know?
***
LATINA WOMAN: Hey, are you watching Orange is the New Black?
WHITE WOMAN: Uh, duh!
LATINA WOMAN: Do you love all the white women on there? So much attitude! Right?
***
LATINA WOMAN: Your cousin’s having a sweet sixteen? Oh my gosh, I have to meet all your crazy aunts and uncles! Can I come?
***
LATINO MAN: I love the way that white people announce soccer. I love it. It’s like, “Oh they dribble past the defender and goal.”
***
LATINA WOMAN: You’re white? I’m sorry, you’re just not what I picture when I think of a white person. That’s crazy!
***
LATINA WOMAN: Woah! You went to Princeton? Oh, it’s cause you’re white. That’s how you got in.
***
LATINO MAN: Oye, mira. Ahora te voy a decir las malas palabras que yo sé en inglés. Fuck, dick. Uh, motherfucker. Penis, cock, balls.
***
LATINA WOMAN: You are so pretty. You could totally pass for Latina!
***
LATINA WOMAN: So are you here, like, legally? I’m sorry, I meant documented?
***
LATINA WOMAN: Oh my gosh, I love Julie Bowen on Modern Family! She’s huge now! You must be so excited.
WHITE WOMAN: Totally…
LATINA WOMAN: I love her accent.
