Stuff White Guys Say to Asian Women

October 26, 2014 / Grumpy Panda Films

Yellow fever. Exotification. Asian fetish. Racism. Whatever you want to call it, our sexist and racist society has a long history of teaching white straight guys to fixate on Asian women in inappropriate and — frankly — offensive ways.

That’s not to say that it’s impossible to date an Asian and Asian-American woman without being problematic, but there are some things you should avoid saying. Here are just a few!

Click for the Transcript

Konichiwa. Welcome to our country! Do you understand what I’m saying?

Ni Hao Ma. Did I say that right?

Did I say that right?

I bet you’re a terrible driver!

I just got a tattoo. What does this say?

Me love you long time.

Do you know kung fu? I love Bruce Lee.

Where are you from? No, where are you really from? No, I mean where are your parents from? No, I mean where are you parents really from? You know what I mean!

Ching chong, ching chong, chang. What did I say?

Ni hao peng you! That means you’re beautiful in Chinese. But you already knew that!

Are you Vietnamese? Are you Chinese? Filipino? Thai? Cambodian? Sorry, I’m really bad at telling Asians apart.

Are you Malaysian? Are you Laotian? Singaporean? Are you Mongolian? Indonesian? Tibetan? I’m really good at telling Asians apart.

Can I ask you a question? Why are Filipino people so small? Must be the diet!

What aisle is the soy sauce on? Oh, you don’t work here. Okay. But, what aisle is the soy sauce on?

Why do they call it Bangkok? They should call it Bang Pussy!

Excuse me, could I get chopsticks? I’m so sick of people assuming I just use forks and spoons. This is the proper way to hold them. There you go. You got it.

Miso soup. Me so horny! This soup is so Asian!

Panda Express is way better than this.

You know what I love most about you? Your eyes.

Your eyes.

Your eyes. They’re so slanted.

No, I do not have yellow fever! You are, like, the first Asian girl I’ve ever dated. Yeah, I only date Asian women, but it’s not because I have yellow fever. I really love the culture.

No, I don’t have yellow fever. I’m not attracted to Asian women. They all have flat asses. Wanna fuck?

Okay, okay! I might have a little bit of yellow fever! Your pussy’s just so tight!

This was a beautiful beginning. Now we need a happy ending. Come on. You know you want it.

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Grumpy Panda is a film channel dedicated to creating comedic internet videos for the irreverently-inclined. It’s run by Cindy Fang and Peter Podgursky, who met at USC Film School. United by their love of sketch comedy and Mariah Carey, the duo created Grumpy Panda Films. Together, they make cute yet irreverent videos that have been featured on Funny or Die, Slash Film, Racialicious, Obvious Winner, Freddy in Space, Disgrasian, Channel APA, and Dread Central. Follow them on Twitter @grumpypanda.