Stuff White Guys Say to Asian Women

Konichiwa. Welcome to our country! Do you understand what I’m saying?

Ni Hao Ma. Did I say that right?

Did I say that right?

Did I say that right?

I bet you’re a terrible driver!

I just got a tattoo. What does this say?

Me love you long time.

Do you know kung fu? I love Bruce Lee.

Where are you from? No, where are you really from? No, I mean where are your parents from? No, I mean where are you parents really from? You know what I mean!

Ching chong, ching chong, chang. What did I say?

Ni hao peng you! That means you’re beautiful in Chinese. But you already knew that!

Are you Vietnamese? Are you Chinese? Filipino? Thai? Cambodian? Sorry, I’m really bad at telling Asians apart.

Are you Malaysian? Are you Laotian? Singaporean? Are you Mongolian? Indonesian? Tibetan? I’m really good at telling Asians apart.

Can I ask you a question? Why are Filipino people so small? Must be the diet!

What aisle is the soy sauce on? Oh, you don’t work here. Okay. But, what aisle is the soy sauce on?

Why do they call it Bangkok? They should call it Bang Pussy!

Excuse me, could I get chopsticks? I’m so sick of people assuming I just use forks and spoons. This is the proper way to hold them. There you go. You got it.

Miso soup. Me so horny! This soup is so Asian!

Panda Express is way better than this.

You know what I love most about you? Your eyes.

Your eyes.

Your eyes. They’re so slanted.

No, I do not have yellow fever! You are, like, the first Asian girl I’ve ever dated. Yeah, I only date Asian women, but it’s not because I have yellow fever. I really love the culture.

No, I don’t have yellow fever. I’m not attracted to Asian women. They all have flat asses. Wanna fuck?

Okay, okay! I might have a little bit of yellow fever! Your pussy’s just so tight!

This was a beautiful beginning. Now we need a happy ending. Come on. You know you want it.