NICK: Mom, I need to talk to you.
NICK’S MOM: What is it, sweetie? What’s wrong?
NICK: I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, but I was scared—very scared of how you’d react. I can’t keep lying to you anymore. I’m straight.
PARTY-GOER #1: We are gonna get you laid tonight. I know this girl, and she would be perfect for you!
LAUREN: I’m straight.
PARTY-GOER #2: I knew it!
COWORKER: My weekend was great. I went up to Napa with my fiance.
NICK: That sounds beautiful.
COWORKER: Yeah, beautiful. You married at all?
COWORKER: Oh, you have a boyfriend?
NICK: No, uh, actually I’m straight.
COWORKER: Oh! Oh, cool.
LAUREN: My ex-boyfriend said we should take a trip.
PARTY-GOER: Oh, you’re straight! I had no idea.
NICK: It was just, like, touchdown after touchdown—Oh my God. Did you guys see her? Wow, the things I would do.
GUY #1: Yeah, we get it, you’re straight.
GUY #2: Yeah, breeder! Shut up!
MAN: Maybe you’re just confused?
GUY #1: I mean, it’s probably just a phase, right?
NICK’S MOM: I just don’t want you to go to hell because you chose to be straight.
NICK: I’m straight.
LAUREN: I was born straight.
NICK: I can’t change who I am.
LAUREN: There’s nothing wrong with me.
NICK: And I accept that.
LAUREN: Hey! Oh, do you mind if I…
NICK: No, not at all.
LAUREN: Thank you.
NICK: Are you…are you here with your girlfriend, or…?
LAUREN: No. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t swing that way.
NICK: Really? I’m sorry, it’s just really nice to finally meet another…
LAUREN: …person like you?
NICK: Yeah. Hi, I’m Nick.