Complaining About the ‘Friend Zone’ Perpetuates Rape Culture

December 3, 2014 / Desireé Dallagiacomo

Editors Note: While this video discusses the relationships between men and women, Everyday Feminism also recognizes the relationships between queer and non-binary people. Patriarchy and rape culture is not exclusive to heterosexual dynamics and cisgender people.

Generations of feminist thought, writing, and performance have and continue to deconstruct the ways patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism teach us that people perceived as women solely exist to appease male desire and consumption. Despite this, so many people persist in creating gnarly ways to validate their acts of rape culture and sexual assault.

This form of violence is currently manifesting in the form of “sensitive, good-hearted” people complaining about being placed into the friend zone. In reality, these are people who believe they are entitled to sex and/or romance with the person of their desire, regardless of that person’s mutual interest or consent.

Being angry with someone’s boundaries reveals an attitude of sexual entitlement and a lack of respect synonymous with rape culture, which is unacceptable.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

JUSTIN LAMB: For the so called nice guys who complain about being placed in the friend zone.

DESIREE DALLAGIACOMO: Shut up.

JUSTIN: Zip it.

BOTH: Close your mouth.

JUSTIN: We’re sick of you playing the part of compassionate listener around female friends.

DESIREE: Only to whine when your benevolence fails to result in booty.

JUSTIN: As if there weren’t better causes to whine about.

DESIREE: Like patriarchy.

JUSTIN: Entitlement.

DESIREE: Valuing women for ability to cure your boner and not our actual personhood.

BOTH: Newsflash.

DESIREE: Women are not slot machines that respond to your kindness with sex.

JUSTIN: Thinking you are owed something for not being an asshole…

DESIREE: …makes you an asshole.

JUSTIN: Somehow you have decided that you are the victim.

DESIREE: Screwed by women’s decisions not to screw you. Mansplaining why you don’t belong in the friend zone.

JUSTIN: We know these points have been made before, but there is one question that everyone overlooks.

DESIREE: Who the fuck complains about being placed in something called the friend zone?

BOTH: It sounds awesome.

JUSTIN: Like AutoZone, but for friends.

DESIREE: You act like the friend zone is the worst place ever, but there are plenty of worse place.

JUSTIN: Like a Waffle House bathroom at 3am.

DESIREE: The elephant graveyard.

JUSTIN: You must never go there, Simba.

BOTH: All nine circles of hell.

JUSTIN: Whenever I think of the friend zone, all I can picture…

BOTH: …is the most magical place in the world.

JUSTIN: Where the humans are real, but the animals are cartoons that smile and talk to you.

DESIREE: And the sunflowers have faces and they look down at their branches and say…

JUSTIN: Hey, I’m glad growing and all, but these buds will never compare to the one standing next to me.

BOTH: (singing) Thank you for being a friend.

DESIREE: My friend zone is an island of possibility where there will be no creeps, but there will be lots of crepes made by friendly pirates.

JUSTIN: You are me best friend.

DESIREE: But no booty calls.

JUSTIN: Arr. You might not like being placed in the friend zone.

DESIREE: But where else are you going to find a zone with its own theme song?

JUSTIN: That goes… (singing) Hanging with my friends in the friend zone, where everyone gets a high five.

DESIREE: (singing) There’s a lot of pizza here and we’re happy to be alive.

JUSTIN: Yeah. There will be no sexting in the friend zone.

DESIREE: No dick pics.

JUSTIN: No unwelcomed grinding.

DESIREE: No shady intentions disguised as kindness.

BOTH: Only actual kindness.

DESIREE: Consensual hugs.

JUSTIN: And a giant boat filled with s’mores.

DESIREE: Called the friend …

BOTH: …ship.

DESIREE: If that doesn’t float your boat…

JUSTIN: If real friendship is somehow disappointing…

BOTH: Then nobody wants your ass in the friend zone, anyway.

Video courtesy of Button Poetry. For more amazing spoken word performances, check them out on YouTube and Facebook.

Please read the following Everyday Feminism articles about rape culture for more information:

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Desireé Dallagiacomo ranked 3rd at The 2014 Individual World Poetry Slam and 3rd at The 2014 National Poetry Slam. She is a student at the University of New Orleans where she studies women & gender as well as creative writing. Her work, and more info about her, can be found at poemsbydes.tumblr.com.

Justin Lamb is an educator, writer and National Poetry Slam champion. Originally from Connecticut, Justin resides in New Orleans, where he has competed as a member of the nationally acclaimed Team Slam New Orleans (Team SNO) for the past four years. You can find him on Twitter @justalamb or his website.