Why Using the Right Pronouns Might Not Get the Reaction You Expect

July 5, 2015 / Rhea Ewing

Some people make a big deal about gender pronouns – and it’s true that it’s important to get them right! But once you know how it actually feels for someone when you get their pronouns right, you’ll realize there’s no one “right” way to respond. Check it out.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Panel 1

(Rhea and Terry are sitting at a diner eating hotdogs. Rhea is leaning back with a frustrated expression)

Rhea: Ugh, I’m so tired of getting misgendered all the time!

Terry: I hear you. Maybe if you pushed it more with your friends..?

Rhea: I feel so awkward though!

Panel 2

Rhea: It’s just that so few people are used to using gender neutral pronouns, it’s a whole new language for them. Even when I stick to they/them/theirs, then I just get lectured about “good grammar” all the time. Nevermind that it’s been used as a singular pronoun for centuries!* (*seriously, check it out! wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they is a starting point)

Panel 3

Rhea: And some folks act like it’s such a big deal that when they do get it right, I feel obligated to put on a big show about it.

(In the background, an exaggerated image of Rhea): Hallelujah, you didn’t misgender me!

Rhea: It’s exhausting. I just want to exist without all the extra, you know?

Panel 4

Terry: I can see that. I don’t exactly drop to my knees and thank the heavens every time someone calls me “he.” I don’t see why it should be any different for trans folks.

Rhea: Exactly.

Panel 5

(An image of Rhea looking genuinely touched, butterflies and sunshine in the background, as someone off-screen says “they”)

Rhea: And maybe some days I do feel like praising the heavens that someone got it right. I need to hear it sometimes.

Panel 6

(An image of Rhea talking in front a movie theater listing for “How to Train Your Dragon 2” in the winter)

Rhea: …But other times, I just want to be like: Yeah, yeah, cool, but how do you feel about the way the plot structure of that movie ultimately undermined its main themes?

Panel 7

(Terry smiles playfully at Rhea)

Terry: Pfft, it’s almost like you’re more than just your gender identity or something.

Rhea: Weird, right?

To learn more about this topic, check out:

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Rhea Ewing is a Contributing Comic Artist for Everyday Feminism and a queer artist living in Wisconsin. Rhea is involved in a number of comic projects, including the monthly comics challenge site “The Radome” and a 350+ page nonfiction graphic novel about gender identity in the Midwest called FINE: A Comic About Gender. You can find more of zir work at rheaewing.com and finecomic.com or connect on Twitter @finecomic. Check out zir work here!