How to Support a Friend With Borderline Personality Disorder

September 1, 2016 / Christine Deneweth

Do you have a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

Learning as much as you can about BPD can give you the tools to support them – so here’s a comic to help you do just that!

This covers info like communication strategies, what it means to be a Favorite Person (FP), and setting boundaries for a healthy friendship.

We hope these practical tips can help both you and your loved one build a relationship that supports both of your needs.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

FP 2 FP 3 FP 4 FP 5 FP 6 FP 7 FP 8 FP 9 FP 10

Click for the Transcript

Panel 1

Text: How to Support Your Friend With Borderline – Christine Deneweth

Panel 2

Crass talking. She has short curly hair, glasses, and a green shirt.

Crass: Hi, my name is Crass and my best friend Shelby has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Panel 3

Crass talking and smiling with Shelby

Crass: The key to being an ally for your friend with BPD is empathy, communication, and knowing as much as you can about BPD.

Panel 4

Text: First off, let’s learn a few things about BPD

Text: Borderline Personality Disorder: A mental disorder characterized by unstable moods, impulsive behavior, and unstable relationships.

Panel 5

Yin yang

Text: Splitting

Text: A term that describe a change in the way someone with BPD views things from one extreme to another. From love to hate.

Panel 6

Heart

Text: FP

Text: Favorite Person: A person who someone with BPD relies on the most for support, validation, advice, and attention.

Panel 7

Text: A FP isn’t chosen, they just happen. The person with BPD has the compulsion to check that the relationship is free of conflict. They can be platonically, romantically, or sexually attracted to their FP.

Panel 8

Two people with a heart between them

Text: A FP is more than a best friend, they are the main source of support for someone with BPD. But not every person with BPD has a FP.

Panel 9

Crass talking

Crass: My biggest tip to be supportive to your friend with BPD is to research BPD. The more you know the better prepared you are to be there for your friend.

Panel 10

Phone with a cord

Text: 1 – Communication is Key

Panel 11

Crass texting

Text: If you’re not able to talk for a day or week, let them know!

Panel 12

Heart

Text: Make sure to reassure them that it doesn’t change the relationship.

Panel 13

Calendar

Text: 2 – If You Have to Cancel Plans, Let Them Know ASAP

Panel 14

Crass talking on the phone

Text: Don’t leave them worrying. Let them know.

Panel 15

Crass talking

Crass: If you’re canceling because of their behavior, just be honest. Relationships thrive on honesty and communication.

Panel 16

Two hearts

Text: 3 – Be Empathetic in Your Responses

Panel 17

Crass talking to Shelby. Shelby has short blond hair, a red shirt, and a lavender and black hat.

Text: Make sure you think about how what you say will affect them.

Panel 18

Word Bubble

Text: Make sure you’re clear with what you say. Make sure it isn’t taken the wrong way. This may involve explaining things more thoroughly.

Panel 19

Fire

Text: 4 – Splitting, Mood Swings, and Jealously Happen

Panel 20

Shelby

Text: Splitting is rapidly going from love to hate. Just remember their feelings are valid!

Panel 21

Crass talking to Shelby

Text: Just stay calm and remind them you still care no matter what.

Panel 22

Road blocker

Text: 5 – Set Boundaries

Panel 23

Crass talking

Crass: All relationships need boundaries to keep everyone comfortable.

Panel 24

Crass talking

Text: Just because you’re a friend doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries.

Panel 25

Exclamation point

Text: 6 – Your Needs Matter Too

Panel 26

Crass talking

Crass: If you need a break, say so. Communicate what your needs are.

Panel 27

Two roads

Text: People with BPD what their friends to be happy too. They understand relationships are a two way street.

Panel 28

Heart

Text: Remember that it’s hard to have BPD. Empathy is a must, even if you can’t understand or relate to what they’re going through

Panel 29

Drawing of a cat

Text: Talk as much as you can! Give them tangible forms of affection too. Write notes or draw things and give them to them to hold on to.

Panel 30

Crass and Shelby smiling at each other

Crass: It’s an honor to be friends with Shelby. It’s important to me that I’m as good a friend to them as they are to me!

To learn more about this topic, check out:

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Christine Deneweth is a Contributing Comic Artist for Everyday Feminism. A queer cartoonist and artist, Christine lives in Ypsilanti, Michigan. She is a cartoonist for Eastern Michigan University’s newspaper the Eastern Echo. She writes children’s books about mental disability and has a comic strip that has been published for five years. Comics can be found on her Facebook page, and art can be found on her Instagram @crassaster. Check out her work here!