6 Struggles Only Atheists Understand

Speaker 1: All right, shall we say grace?

Speaker 2: Sure.

Speaker 1: Dear Lord, thank you for this food. Thank you, Jesus.

Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, are you engaged?

Speaker 4: Yeah, this weekend!

Speaker 3: Oh my God, congratulations!

Speaker 4: Thank you.

Speaker 3: What church are you having it at?

Speaker 4: We’re actually not doing it in a church.

Speaker 3: Oh, are you Jewish?

Speaker 4: Well, no. We’re just not religious.

Speaker 5: I don’t know what I’m going to do, if I don’t make this job interview, I …

Speaker 6: I’ll pray for you.

Speaker 5: You don’t have—you don’t have to. I mean, you can, you don’t …

Speaker 3: Nobody’s officiating it?

Speaker 4: Well, there’s going to be an officiator. It’s not a religious thing.

Speaker 3: Oh, so it’s just like—

Speaker 4: It’s a partnership thing.

Speaker 3: Oh, like, “Hey, you’re married!”

Speaker 4: Yeah.

Speaker 5: Oh, bless you!

Speaker 7: I thought atheists didn’t do that.

Speaker 5: Oh, well, we can be nice.

Speaker 7: That’s fair.

Speaker 5: Yeah.

Speaker 5: Are you guys coming to my Christmas party?

Speaker 8: No.

Speaker 5: Why not?

Speaker 8: Because I’m going to church, Jessica.

Speaker 5: But that’s why I’m having a party.

Speaker 9: Have you read the good book?

Speaker 4: I have, actually.

Speaker 9: Okay, good, so you’re a believer.

Speaker 4: No, I’m actually an atheist.

Speaker 9: Wow, okay. So you believe in Satan.

Speaker 4: No, I definitely don’t believe in Satan. I just don’t believe in religion. I adhere to no religion, not even Satanism.

Speaker 9: That makes no sense, because if it’s not God, then it’s Satan, so you’re a Satanist.

Speaker 4: Okay. Goodbye.