Trichotillomania: The Hair-Pulling Disorder That’s More Common Than You Think

December 10, 2016 / Refinery29

(Content Warning: mention of hair, eyebrow, and eyelash pulling.)

“The hair has brought me to that, learning how to see my body for what it is.”

She didn’t know it was a disorder until she Googled “pull out my hair” – and since then, Jillian Clark has come a long way in understanding trichotillomania.

So how did she learn to cope, and become an advocate for other people who live with this urge to pull at their own hair? In this video from Refinery29, she shares her story.

You can find Jillian’s photography on her website, and read more about trichotillomania and similar conditions here and here.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Jillian Clark: When you’re feeling around for a place to pull your hair out, certain places stick out more. The place that makes you feel something is the place that you pull from.

Text: Get Real: Trichotillomania

Jillian: I didn’t realize it was a disorder until I Googled “pull out my hair.” People don’t realize it’s a disorder; they think it’s a yucky habit, and it’s not. Growing up with it is so hard because you want to be pretty and you’re destroying what makes you pretty to the public.

I was 18 and I decided to shave my head. I’ve had it shaved for almost three years. I have no urge to pull. At first it definitely wasn’t a fashion statement; it was very utilitarian. But then I realized that it worked for me.

I’m an editorial and video photographer. I never would have photographed myself when I had hair. The hair had to come off and then I wanted to find out who this new person was. It’s one of the best ways to learn how to see what other people are seeing.

People started commenting on my hair so much:

“Oh, my god!”

“Holy shit, man!”

“You look amazing!”

“I would never do that.”

“It looks so good on you.”

I decided if they had a moment to listen, I would tell them about it. What’s the use of this compliment if I’m not going to be real with them?

It’s not a cure-all.

There are so many different facets of trich. There are people that pull out their pubic hair. There are people that pull out armpit hair. People that pull out their eyelashes and eyebrows. People that pull a hair and rub it on their lips because that feels good.

I think if I grew my hair out today, I’d probably pull it out again. I’m trying to learn how to see myself overall. The hair has kind of brought me to that, learning how to see my body for what it is. I’m trying to learn how to see my work for what it is.

I feel very confident about who I am as a person. I feel confident about my hair, and I hope the rest kind of follows suit.

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Jillian Clark is an editorial and portrait photographer whose work has appeared in Wired UK, Refinery 29, Rolling Stone, and NPR. She’s also an advocate for people with trichotillomania. View her work on her website and on Instagram @itsjillianclark.