Clarissa: Hi, I’m Clarissa, and this is my YouTube channel. Today, we’re going to be talking about fat sex.
Text: How To: Fat Sex
Clarissa: Before we get started, just a little disclaimer: If you are uncomfortable talking about bodies or genitalia or fat people doing normal human things, then you should probably watch a different channel. Because we’re going to be talking about that today and lots of days following this.
So, some of you have seen my last video about fat sex and dating and I kind of just started to skim the surface on that one and I am going to change the format of how we do these videos just a little bit.
I’m going to answer one question at a time and I’m going to try to be more detailed about each answer. We will see how that goes.
It’s a lot earlier than I usually film videos right now, so the sun is weird, my hair is weird, I feel very weird about this whole thing.
So this is the question that I get the absolute most in my inbox, and it says, “I have a very large, gorgeous belly. Sometimes it gets in the way of certain positions. Do you have any advice for fat accessible sex positions?”
I used to get kind of offended when people would ask me this question, because I thought, “Fat sex is just like thin sex. What am I missing? What am I not getting?”
And then I realized that there are some things that maybe I incorporate into my sex life, not because I’m fat, but just because I’m 30 and I’ve slept with a lot of people, and you kind of learn these things after sleeping a bunch of people.
I’m going to try to stop being a snot about this question and just answer it as honestly as I possibly can.
First and foremost, all bodies have different abilities and it is essential to communicate those abilities with your partner. It’s just a really good idea to vocalize your limits before or during sex just so that the person or people that you’re having sex with know where your limitations on your body are. These are things that all people need to talk about.
This does not just apply to fat people. Some fat people have limitations on what they can do and some don’t. All people’s abilities are different and there’s no shame in talking about what your body is capable of when having sex.
I personally have a really hard time with my hips. They cramp very easily. I do yoga and I stretch and I do all sorts of stuff, but if my hips are spread for a very long amount of time, they get very sore. So one of the things that I do to help prevent my hips from getting sore, is I use very stabilizing methods.
So if my hips are spread then I like to put a pillow under my knees so that my hips are not bearing the weight of holding my legs up. Or if I’m on the edge of the bed and my partner is standing here and I am laid on the bed, I will put my feet on a chair or something, on each side of my partner. That way, my feet are bearing some of the weight of my legs and not just my hips.
Another really common problem is having some knee issues and having issues putting pressure on your knees. So if you like to ride your partner – whether they have a penis or a strap-on, your you’re just down to grind it – is to, instead of kneeling down on the person, to actually sit on the person. So that again, your feet are bearing the weight.
You can also have your partner put pillows under their pelvis while you’re riding them to make penetration just a bit easier and to elevate their pelvis so that it is closer to your goodies.
Pillows are actually another great way to make sex a lot more accessible. I will put a link down below for a sex-specific pillow. They sell basically what looks like big pillow wedges and they are to help lift your pelvis off the ground and make everything a little bit more accessible for your partner.
But you can also improvise and just use pillows from your bed.
An essential part of sex is going to be recognizing that you have the ability to move your own body in any way you want so that the sex positions you are in are more pleasurable for you. This means that if you are somehow getting squished or if your thighs are being pinched somewhere somehow, you are allowed to take a handful of your belly and move it around if you need to. You can also spread your thighs. You can ask your partner to spread your butt.
You can do whatever you want. It is your body. You are allowed to make it as accessible and pleasurable as is physically possible. If you feel like your belly is getting squished, you don’t have to live like that. I know that the idea of talking to your partner about, “Oh, that’s pinching my belly,” or something like that might sound a little bit daunting.
Here’s the thing: A lot of us have this idea in our heads that we look super different with our clothes on than off and in fact, most people that are of age and having sex know what a naked body looks like. If they’ve been dating you or even if they’ve only had one date with you, they know if you have a fat belly before you get naked. So you’re not going to shock them when you lift your belly up a little bit and move it.
The great thing about feeling comfortable moving your body around and helping your partner get in a good position is that a lot of the time when you think it’s really good, it also feels really, really good for your partner. So generally, when you do take the time to adjust yourself and make sure that you’re at the right angle or to make sure that nothing’s uncomfortable, your partner gets really excited about it as well.
And it usually feels really, really good for them.
I could sit here and list off several positions that are fat-accessible but you guys can find them anywhere on Google.
And the fact of the matter is: No matter what position you are trying, the part of sex that is going to be the most fulfilling and make it feel the best is being able to communicate with your partner about your body.
Sometimes that can be a little bit intense but the payoff is enormous. A year from now, you may be having sex with a totally different person. They might have different genitalia; they’ll almost certainly have different limitations with their body.
Learning how to communicate all of the needs of your body is going to be something that you’re going to want to do for a lifetime. So just getting right in there and practicing is going to be really, really good for you.
Fat people can absolutely have super fulfilling, phenomenal sex lives. And a lot of it just has to do with getting comfortable about talking about your body and about other people’s bodies and to remember that, if something doesn’t work for you and the person that you’re having sex with, just take a breath. It’s not your fault. You’re not a failure. There are so many alternatives to traditional ways of having sex that are super hot.
Sometimes having a body with certain limitations means that you’re actually able to think about those things and think outside the box and think about new things to try with your partner. And new ways to get creative with your partner. Which sounds pretty cool to me.
I think next up on the channel, we are going to talk about sex toys specifically for fat people and fat couples. If you guys are interested in that, make sure you subscribe.
Until then, like this video, comment down below if you have any questions, and I will catch you soon.