Connor Manning: Something happened to me recently that I would like to throw a good old-fashioned @mikefalzone #HeyShhDont on.
I was in a therapy session and not only was my bisexual identity put on trial, I was also told that maybe I shouldn’t identify as bisexual. I spent thirty minutes in a therapy session, that I’m paying for, convincing someone that I’m bisexual enough to be bisexual.
Eventually, she came around, but it took way too long for me to convince her – which I shouldn’t even have to do – that I’m bi enough!
I would like to continue this video by saying that I, personally, am fine. I’m all right. This isn’t something that’s a massive trauma in my life. It’s just majorly unfortunate. But I’m okay.
My thing is: What if I wasn’t okay, right?
What if I wasn’t very-outspoken-bi-person-on -the-Internet Connor Manning? What if I was somebody who was freshly questioning their sexuality? What if I was me three years ago when things were really confusing for me?
In my life, my sexual identity is a non-issue, which is another thing. Why were we even talking about it because it’s not an issue in my life?
But for a lot of people, especially people who are seeking help for their mental health, these things are an issue, and they’re confusing, and they’re scary. To have someone who’s supposed to be a resource I can trust, someone I can just open up to, try to invalidate my identity was really deeply sad to me.
I also talked to a few people about it, after the fact, and they told me that this is something that happens all the time, unfortunately.
I don’t think it’s a therapist’s job to tell you who you are. I think it’s their job to guide you into figuring that out for yourself. And I would just like to reiterate this point to anyone out there who is dealing with a situation like this.
Not just with therapists, but with people in your life telling you who you are. They can’t do that. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Your identity is your own. You’re the only one who can define that and really have any kind of understanding of that.
The people in our lives experience our identities and can have their thoughts or whatever, but I think it’s massively inappropriate to impose those thoughts on you.
And this is true of pretty much everything in your entire life, not just your identity. Of course, listening to other people and taking suggestions, and being a bit of an open book is definitely important.
But at the same time, I do think it’s important that you carve out your own identity, and you figure that out for yourself.
But to go back on the sexuality bit, I don’t understand why the label is so freaking important to people. She was so apprehensive about it. She was like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t call yourself bi.”
It’s like, okay, I’m calling myself this because this how I feel comfortable. Why does this matter to you?
There’s this really big theme happening where a lot of people are being accused of coming out to join a bandwagon or because it’s a cool thing to do right now. And that’s just not… What is that?
People don’t arrive at certain labels and identities lightly.
It’s not something like, “oh, okay I’m this now because it’s cool.” You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for identifying any which way. Even if at a different point your identity changes, and you have a different understanding of yourself, that’s also okay.
You don’t have to be rigid in your identity. Your understanding of yourself evolves over time as you evolve over time. That’s not only normal, I feel like it’s encouraged.
I’m making this video to remind you that you’re great, you’re doing fine, and nobody has the ability to tell you who you are except for you.
And sometimes you’re in a bad situation, and you’ve got to deal with a lot of BS, but that’s a part of life, and you’ll be fine.
That is all I wanted to talk about today. If you have any thoughts, you can always leave them in the comments and I would love to read them. Sweating a little bit on that one. But yeah, I’m going to go, and I’ll see you next time on Friday!
