An Animated Lesson on Empathy – And Why It’s More Supportive Than Sympathy

December 19, 2015 / The RSA

Do you know the difference between empathy and sympathy?

In this animated RSA Short, Dr. Brené Brown shares a simple – yet insightful – lesson on the difference between the two. Watch the beautiful illustrations by Katy Davis (aka Gobblynne) and learn how to connect with and help ease another person’s pain.

Sharing connection through empathy is essential for recognizing and addressing the suffering of marginalized groups. Next time you come across someone else’s experience with oppression, keep these lessons in mind, and you might be surprised by how helpful you can be.

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

What is empathy, and why is it very different than sympathy?

Empathy fuels connection; sympathy drives disconnection.

Empathy, it’s very interesting. Theresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied professions, very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy:

perspective taking, the ability to take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspective as their truth;
staying out of judgment, not easy when you enjoy as much as most of us do;
recognizing emotion in other people; and then,
communicating that.

Empathy is feeling with people.

To me, I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space when someone’s kind of in a deep hole and they shout out from the bottom and they say, “I’m stuck. It’s dark. I’m overwhelmed.”

And then we look and we say, “Hey,” climbing down, “I know what it’s like down here and you’re not alone.”

Sympathy is, “Ooh! It’s bad… uh huh? Uhh, no. You want a sandwich?”

Empathy is a choice. It’s a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.

Rarely, if ever, does an empathetic response begin with “at least.” And we do it all the time. Because you know what, someone just shared something with us that’s incredibly painful, and we’re trying to silver-lining it. I don’t think that’s a verb, but I’m using it as one.

We’re trying to put a silver lining around it.

“I had a miscarriage.”

“At least you know you can get pregnant.”

“I think my marriage is falling apart.”

“At least you have a marriage.”

“John’s getting kicked out of school.”

“At least Sarah is an A student.”

But one of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better.

If I share something with you that’s very difficult, I’d rather you say, “I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m just so glad you told me.”

Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.

To learn more about this topic, check out:

[do_widget id=’text-101′]

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Brené is the author of three #1 New York Times Bestsellers: Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. You can learn more about her work at her website and follow her on Twitter @BreneBrown.

The RSA is a non-profit organisation working to meet 21st century challenges by showcasing ideas, undertaking innovative research and building civic capacity around the world. To learn more about the RSA, visit: http://www.thersa.org.