We’ve all been there – just when you think you’ve become a good ally, somebody tells you that you’ve done or said something problematic. Here’s the good news: nobody’s perfect, so you’re not alone. Perfection is not what’s important, and being an ally doesn’t mean you can do no wrong. Read about what is important, and learn what to do if you make a mistake.

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A dinner set-up: A white plate with a heart-shaped pillow on it, a fork and knife tied up with a red ribbon, against a wooden table

Dear partner, I understand that you don’t understand what it’s like to have an eating disorder, and I know that you’re not trying to trigger me. But if you really want this relationship to work, we’re going to need to talk about my eating disorder recovery. Because eating disorder recovery affects all aspects of a person’s life, and I need you to work with me on this.

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In parenting, the real issue isn’t that there are differences between genders, but how parents react to those differences. If we can identify areas where we may have a bias, we can direct our awareness there to overcome it or compensate for it. Let’s look at some ways to compensate for implicit bias in our parenting.

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The most important part of being an ally is recognizing one’s privilege and supporting marginalized groups in their fight for justice. But the nature of privilege is that you aren’t taught that you have it. So a lot of people aren’t sure how to do that. To help, Franchesca Ramsey has made this video with five action-oriented tips for how to be a better ally.

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Superficial circumstances, especially ones as obvious as physical disability, can obscure who a person really is. But humanity should be shared, not allocated in increments based on privilege or experiences. And since able-bodied privilege is one of the most unrecognizable forms of privilege in society, today we’re going to talk about ten ways that you can avoid ableism in everyday life.

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I have been reflecting a lot lately on how I can be a better ally. And as we wade our way into 2015, I suppose now is as good a time as any to consider some ways that any person who wishes to act accountably as an ally can do better in 2015. So here’s my list of 30 ways that those of us who strive to act in solidarity and allyship (most notably inclusive of myself) can be better allies.

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I started censoring myself in the seventh grade. Kids in my class made fun of me for using “big words” and getting too many trivia questions right, so I stopped. Being “too smart” can lead to teasing for any kid, but certain demographics get unique torment. Young girls certainly have their own set of obstacles. Here are five examples of how girls are taught to avoid “smart.”

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Pronouns are an important part of our language. Using the right pronouns in our own daily language and asking others to do the same isn’t enough to change the extreme transphobia, discrimination, and violence that trans* people experience, but it’s a simple way to use language to show respect for our friends, to make trans* issues visible, and to challenge gender-based oppression.

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Feminine-presenting person explaining something to someone masculine-presenting

It’s not that the misguided ally is a bad person. We know they don’t want to hurt us. But they do. And until misguided allies learn the error in their ways, the true work of activism and allyship cannot be done. Fortunately, there are a few activist communication hacks for dealing with the misguided allies we’ll all inevitably encounter. Read on for five.

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