Do you ever wish you could get to a place of feeling happy with yourself, but don’t know how? Then meet Lex Croucher, aka Tyrannosaurus Lex.
She believes in her own abilities and worth, but she wasn’t always this confident. Check out her funny, practical advice on breaking through toxic messages and low self-esteem to learn how to appreciate who you are.
The Editors at Everyday Feminism
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I was talking on Twitter the other day about how much I love myself as per usual. Am I right? I’m right. A few people asked me how I got to a place where I’m happy with myself. I’m confident. I believe in my own abilities and worth. Would make out with myself if it was physically possible. Basically I used to have quite low self-esteem and now for the most part I don’t. If I can help just one person out there feel better about themselves or just one cat or just one pillow, you’re doing a good job, then I’ll have done my duty as a human for life. I can just live the rest of my days being a dick because I’ve already done my good deed.
To be fair, I was pretty much planning to that anyway. Here is how I learned to like myself.
The first thing you need to do is to stop putting yourself down.
I know that it’s easier said than done but if you find yourself thinking negative things about your life, your face, your body, anything, try and just nip that in the bud. You wouldn’t think those horrible things about your friends, would you? You should be your own friend. Try to replace those things with things you like about yourself.
This probably isn’t something that will come naturally to you. It’s something that you just have to stick out. At least try and make it so every time you think something bad about yourself, you counter it with something good about yourself, like, “I’m insufferable and will never find love, but look at my hair. It’s so good.”
Another thing that I find useful is treating yourself and indulging and having me time.
That doesn’t have to mean spending lots of money or any money at all. Just means designating time to be with yourself and do something that you enjoy. Like today, I spent about 6 hours reading because I am worth it.
Another thing to look at is how you relate to other people.
I find that if I’m thinking positive things about others and saying positive things and doing positive things for other people, that is helps me feel more positively about myself. On the flip side of that, not being afraid to get rid of rubbish people in your life.
Unfortunately, it’s not always possible and it’s not always simple. If there is somebody in my life who only brings negativity and sadness then I get rid of them.
That doesn’t necessarily mean cutting them off completely and not being their friend any more. It just means removing them from my head and only spending time with them on my terms.
Another thing that I find helpful is to have goals, even if they are very small goals.
This year one of my main goals was to move out and that is happening. Well done, me. I also have lots of smaller goals because it’s just nice to have things that you’re working towards. Like this month I have a goal of how many books I want to read. You get to have all these little achievements and go, “Well done, myself. You did good.”
Another thing that I find helpful (we’re nearly done, I promise) is demanding more from the world and the people around you and knowing your worth.
For me, it’s like knowing that I deserve respect. Knowing that I deserve a voice. Not letting other people take advantage of me or my audience or doing free work for people.
I’m constantly asked to do free work all the time because people don’t really value online people as much as they should do. So, know your own worth and let other people know that you know your own worth, but just don’t be a dick about it. I like to pick assertive people and model my behavior after them.
In a more abstract way it’s like, “What would Leslie not do or what would CJ Craig do?” I also like to imagine what would a guy on YouTube who’s in a similar position to me do in this situation. Because guys aren’t afraid of letting people know how much they think they’re worth and demanding things. Therefore, I will not be. I’ll just be polite and professional about it.
Finally, the thing that I find the most helpful and has helped me with every single thing that I have just told you about is faking it until you make it.
I pretended I liked myself and I told other people that I thought I was great until I actually started to believe it. I acted like negativity from other people didn’t bother me until it really didn’t bother me. I just pretended that I was confident and knew my worth until I did.
It’s like what you’re putting out there, even if it’s not real at the time, ends up becoming your reality. That’s magic and science. People are often told, especially women, that it’s not attractive to like yourself and that is not true. As long as you’re not rude about it and you don’t treat people worse because you think you’re better then it’s great to love yourself and appreciate yourself and know your own worth.
I hope some of this is helpful. I want you all to love yourselves please. Every time I say that it sounds dirty. I’m just going to leave. This video brought to you by darkness, the opposite of light. Because when I try to turn my lights on, they made noises like they were going to explode. Actual footage of these events.
To learn more about this topic, check out:
- How Body Love Can Change Society for the Better
- Why Love Is Important to Feminist Work (And 3 Ways to Practice It)