We’re Taking Lesbian Sexuality Back from the Male Gaze and the Result Is Awesome

April 28, 2015 / Robot Hugs

You know the influence of the male gaze is strong when even intimacy between women is so often claimed for men’s pleasure. This can be damaging for lesbians, bisexual women, and other women who date and have sex with other women.

This comic says it all about men co-opting lesbian sexuality for their own pleasure – and how we can take it back. Finally, the kind of queer media we’ve been wishing for!

With Love,
The Editors at Everyday Feminism

Click for the Transcript

Panel 1

(Man 1 whistles at two women walking with their arms around each other)

Panel 2

Woman 1: (to man 1) Hey, screw off.

Panel 3

Man 1: Hey, I’m a guy…you can’t blame me for finding it sexy watching two girls get together.

Panel 4

Robot Hugs (RH): I didn’t really get good access to queer communities and queer media until I was in my 20’s.

(Image of a ticket to the film festival Inside Out, image of QGLBT flag, Logo for Crashpad on a laptop screen)

Panel 5

Text: Before then, the only way I would see lesbian and queer sexuality was in movies and TV shows, music videos and porn.

(Poster for Black Swan, TV shot of lips wearing lipstick, porn cover saying ‘Lesbian Nymphos’)

Panel 6

Text: That meant that the only way I could usually see my own sexuality was in images and stories created by men and packaged for the pleasure of men.

[Picture of a clapboard with an arrow pointing to a computer screen saying ‘GIRL ON GIRL’]

Panel 7

RH: Honestly, it kind of messed me up. Even when I was with women, I felt like I was managing the sexual needs and expectations of men.

Panel 8

Text: I didn’t have the experience or tools to understand how damaging it is to constantly have your sexual identity reflected back at you, warped and repurposed for the consumption of others.

(RH looking into a mirror that is reflecting back a sexualized image of themself with the eyes scratched out)

Panel 9

Text: “That’s just in media”, people might say, but I know from experience it all maps back to the real world …

Panel 10

(Man talking to two women)

Man: So…. would you ladies ever be interested in a threesome?

Panel 11

(Man 2 talking to another person)

Man 2: Ugh. Lesbians are hot, but nothing turns me off like an ugly dyke.

Panel 12

(Man 3 talking to two women)

Man 3: You know… you can make out or whatever. I don’t mind.

Panel 13

(Man 4 spits on a woman holding hands with another woman)

Man 4: sluts!

Panel 14

RH: I began to feel alienated from this identity that was growing inside of me, because I felt like it would never really belong to me.

Panel 15

Text: Even when I was with my lover, alone, I started to feel like there was a shadow in the room, watching us. The eyes of men were such a constant part of our relationship that I felt like I could never get away from them.

(Image of two people cuddling while an indistinct shadowy figure watches)

Panel 16

RH: And knowing that it was affecting me to much made me feel like I was messing up the queer cause, or something. I mean, if this was bothering me so much, wasn’t *I* the one who was letting the patriarchy define my relationship?

(A sign saying ‘bad queer?’ is over RH’s head)

Panel 17

RH: Even now, I sometimes wonder what the shape of my sexual identity would look like if queer femme sex and sexuality wasn’t constantly co-opted by and for heterosexual men. How much of my early identify was shaped in reaction to or defence against that lens?

Panel 18

RH: But this is who I am now, and it’s pretty awesome, and it belongs to me and me alone. And this is what I know:

Panel 19

(Image of man 1)

Text: Hey you.

Man 1: What?

Text: I know you get told over and over and over

Panel 20

Text: that our bodies are for your pleasure

(a TV screen shows a man suggesting a threesome to two excited women in lingerie)

Panel 21

Text: that our sexuality is for your consumption

(Image of advertisement for shows depicting a strong man with women draped over him)

Panel 22

Text: that the way we fuck is for your fantasy

(porn cover that says ‘Teen Lesbos’)

Panel 23

Text: but we fuck for each other

(Woman pulling another woman by her tie, both smiling)

Panel 24

Text: and for love

(A woman taking off her partner’s shirt)

Panel 25

Text: and for fun

(a pair of hands bound by cuffs)

Panel 26

Text: and for ourselves

(a person lying in a bubble bath)

Panel 27

Text: weirdly

(a woman dressed like a dinosaur wearing fishnet stockings with a topless woman who is pretending to be scared)

Panel 28

Text: Badly

(two people lying in bed looking awkward)

Panel 29

Text: With toys

(a woman holding up a bunch of vibrators and dildos)

Panel 30

Text: With words

(A cell phone showing part of a set of text messages: Message 1: mmmm…that sounds nice. Message 2: And then what? Message 3: Then i’m going to take your [obscured] and make you…)

Panel 31

Text: Wonderfully

(a door surrounded by exclamation marks and hearts)

Text: And yes, it’s hot.

Panel 32

Text: But the way we kiss

(two women kissing)

Panel 33

Text: And touch

(a person with a bit mark and scratch marks on her back, smiling)

Panel 34

Text: and love

(two hands holding)

Panel 35

Text: is ours. And when we fuck, it has nothing at all to do with you.

(phrases appear crossed out: So can I watch? That is so hot. How about a threesome?)

Panel 36

(Woman 1 and 2 walking away, with Man 1 in the background)

To learn more about this topic, check out:

[do_widget id=”text-101″]

K is Contributing Comic Artist for Everyday Feminism. They are a Canadian, non-binary, genderqueer, peoplequeer, mentally ill, critical feminist robot. They have a background in linguistics, information, privacy, and categorization, and human-centric design. They are the artist and writer for Robot Hugs, a twice-weekly webcomic about (among other things) gender, identity, feminism, mental health, and cats. Follow them on Twitter at @RobotHugsComic.