Long hair, turquoise athletic shorts, shaved legs. I sound like a girl, right? I’m not. Why? Because I don’t identify as one. And although it really is as simple as that, I understand where some people have trouble: “If you express yourself in this way,” they wonder, “then doesn’t that imply that that is how you identify?” But the truth is, well, no.

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Professionalism is a funny term. It masquerades as neutral, despite being loaded with immense oppression. For years, professionalism has been my enemy because it requires that my gender identity is constantly and unrepentantly erased. But I finally realized something: As transgender, genderqueer, and gender non-conforming people, we deserve better.

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The patriarchy harms all people, regardless of gender identity, sex, or sexual orientation, by perpetuating oppressive and limiting gender roles, the gender binary, transphobia and cissexism, sexual assault, and the political and economic subordination of women. Watch Marina Watanabe discuss the pervasive and intricate ways patriarchy violates us all.

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We’re constantly learning more about ourselves. And as we do, many of us begin to realize that the identities we used to align with don’t have the same resonance anymore. So our identity shifts. And that’s perfectly normal! But sometimes it can feel like we’re doing something by beginning to identify differently. Check out this cartoon for a different perspective!

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Many people are initially confused or ashamed when they realize that they don’t fit into their prescribed gender box, and may also feel depressed as they struggle to be their true selves. Most likely, your family will share these difficult feelings as well. You and your loved ones are about to embark on a lifelong journey, and you must prepare them.

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Although they do a majority of their learning through observation of their peers in social situations, children’s groundwork for understanding gender is largely influenced by the adults they see in their family systems. If you don’t talk about gender, children will learn society’s gender model. Here are five ways to facilitate your child’s gender autonomy.

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