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Being an ally is difficult, especially as a heterosexual cis male. The pressures of (traditional notions of) masculinity and a lifetime of systematic patriarchal training are difficult to overcome. So I have compiled four pieces of advice — based on my own experiences and slip-ups — to help all cis males (myself included) become open feminists and allies.

A group of people talking to one another, in an academic or professional environment, looking like they're engaged

Being on a college campus is a unique opportunity to promote healthy relationships to masculinity and reduce sexual violence by engaging men. But there are a lot of dangers in doing this work. Here are some ideas for doing it responsibly.

When we teach young boys how to “act like a man,” what are we really teaching them? Poet Joseph Capehart argues that our socially constructed view of masculinity is wolf-like: violent, aggressive, and emotionless. And our boys – and later, our men – struggle with and suffer from that. So watch this performance and rethink what masculinity means to you and yours.

The patriarchy hurts everyone, including men. Do you have any examples of how a lack of emotional expression has hurt a man in your life?

Sure, patriarchy is set up to benefit men – but these patriarchal norms are hurting men, and here’s how feminism can help.

#1: “Sow your wild oats.” You don’t have to follow these messages — and this shows how you’ll be better off with a healthier approach to sex.

A red broken heart is painted on a white brick wall

The toxic and abusive expressions of “love” that this author has experienced are far too common. If you notice any of these patterns in your relationship(s), here’s a chance to make a necessary change.

Multiple images put together to create a face

It’s great to get media representation of people outside the gender binary. But when all of it represents a narrow view of androgyny (looking like Ruby Rose), something’s missing. Here’s why it’s a problem.

Person biting nails, looking anxious

Some of these are unexpected – but all of them can be really empowering.

The search for one’s own definition of what it means to be a man is an important part of maturity for young men. Many men look to popular culture for what male behavior is supposed to be and how we’re supposed to display it. But male-oriented advertising too often uses hyper-masculine images to sell products. Let’s take a look at just what they’re selling.

There’s an annoyingly persistent question often asked by the Nice Guy(TM) sect: “Why do some women go for jerks?” We need to redirect that question.

Do you ever talk about what it means to be a “man”? Not a lot of us do. The patriarchy sets the harmful expectation that men aren’t supposed to talk about their feelings or display any kind of emotion. Here’s a chance for men to talk about masculinity and remember, as one man in this video puts it, that “there’s no right way to be a guy.” So what makes you a man?

You might dismiss these examples of Asian women fetishes as harmless – or even as compliments. But here’s what’s really going on with these stereotypes.

There are so many beautiful intersections of LGBTQIA identity and love. This photo-series captures and celebrates the beauty of how contemporary Femme and Butch people express and love themselves, both autonomously and in relationship to each other. There is so much joy, passion, and pride in these pictures. This is what liberation looks like.

I am not new to masculinity, but I am new to being a black man. I am new to the experience of male privilege, as well as the disprivilege of race that marks my black male body as suspect. It is the delicate balance between power and criminal that has allowed me to see misogyny in an entirely different light. But because black feminism allows me to love myself, I have learned to love black men.

What does “feminine energy” mean to you? Many white feminists find it to be a liberating concept, but here’s the harm behind it.

A stressed person has their hands on head, sitting outside.

“Small penis” jokes are common even among outspoken feminists and progressives – and this author’s giving some much-needed perspective on why they need to stop.

Person in a black-and-white striped shirt against a dark blue background, holding their hands up to their face is disappointment

It’s important to shut down the stereotypes “emasculating” Asian men. But this author’s got some great points about how we tend to talk about these stereotypes in problematic ways – starting with calling it “emasculation.”

Black shirt with "#MENINIST" written across the front in white against a red background

What’s up with men’s rights advocates? Maybe you’ve read their commentary, and maybe you’ve wanted them to shut the hell up about so-called “men’s oppression.” But is there any truth to what they’re saying? What are their worries, and who are the true champions of gender equality? Let’s get into the concerns, the myths, and the real story behind men’s rights.

A couple sits against a wall together with their legs dangling

The butch/femme binary can come in small boxes of how we’re “supposed” to be. Here’s some of the damage those boxes can bring – is any of it familiar to you?